Chapter 8: Expert Advice on Oral Sex

No matter your gender or sexual orientation, oral sex is the ultimate present for your partner! Some people love receiving presents, and some love giving. Regardless of which camp you fall in, the helpful tips and tricks I’ve outlined below are just what you need for mind-blowing oral.

What is Oral Sex?

When it comes down to it, oral sex is all about tongue play. Essentially, it involves stimulating a person’s genitals with your tongue as well as your mouth. It can also include sucking or blowing on the genitals. But the tongue is definitely the heavy lifter when it comes to oral sex.

There are several different forms of oral sex. Oral pleasure given to a penis is called fellatio and more commonly referred to as a blowjob. Oral pleasure given to a vulva is known as cunnilingus, or vernacularly, eating someone out. Analingus is a third type of oral pleasure for the anus. It's also known as rimming.

Many couples engage in oral before moving on to other sexual activities. This causes some people to claim that oral isn’t the real deal, especially heterosexual couples who have learned that penetration is the only “real sex.” While oral doesn’t involve penile penetration, rest assured that it is indeed real sex. For some couples, oral sex is the meat and potatoes of their sexual relationship as it can be a surefire method to increase arousal and access orgasm. Although oral is known for its focus on tongue and mouth pleasure, it can easily be paired with creative forms of simultaneous penetration, including fingers, toys, or even a third person!

No matter who you are and what type of relationship you are in, learning how to master making love with your mouth is a key sexual skill.

Fundamental Tips for Great Oral Sex

While different types of oral sex require different techniques, there are some core fundamentals that everyone should keep in mind. That said, you might read some of the tips below and think, “that's not me.” That's fine! Everyone has different things that turn them on, and I'm a big fan of letting your unique flag fly!

Freshen Up Beforehand
Cleanliness is super important to most couples when it comes to oral sex, especially when you’re on the receiving end. It’s super easy too. Just wash your genitals with some warm water and soap before drying them off with a towel. It only takes a few minutes. It leaves you feeling and tasting fresh and clean! (Keep in mind, there are some people who do like that sweaty, back-from-the-gym taste and feel. If that's you, just make sure you communicate that to your partner).

Make Sure Your Partner’s Aroused
Offering oral is much easier when your lover's arousal is already activated. If you or your partner need a little extra teasing to warm up, check out touching tips in Foreplay Chapter 6. On the other hand, jumping into oral sex can be the gateway into arousal. For example, you might surprise your lover in the shower, slide down to your knees, say hello with your mouth and tongue for a few minutes, then pop out and tell them to join you on the bed when they are ready. This is a great way to activate that arousal and practice your flirting skills.

Sweeten Things Up with Flavored Lube

No matter what you’re sucking, blowing, or licking, flavored lube makes a tasty treat. Adam & Eve offers a wide assortment of yummy flavors. My clients have told me great things about A&E Flavored Lubricant, which currently comes in three different flavors: cherry, cotton candy, or strawberry. One client said they liked it so much that they dribbled a little on their ice cream! If those aren’t your flavors of choice, you could go with Wet Dessert instead, which offers frosted cupcake and whipped cream. The flavored lubes are sugar-free, making them safe to use. Just imagine how much fun you’ll have licking up every lip-smacking drop!

Enthusiasm, Excitement & Energy
Being with a partner who treats oral like it’s a boring chore is no fun at all. You’ll want to keep these three E’s in mind whether you’re receiving or offering oral play. When you’re on the receiving end, this shows your partner how much you appreciate their endeavors. It can even encourage them to put in a little extra effort too. When you are the giver, the three E’s can help your partner enjoy receiving even more. The fun secret here is that arousal is contagious! When we offer Enthusiasm, Excitement and Energy, we can turn on our partner and even ourselves.

Get Handsy
Just because your tongue and mouth are busy, doesn’t mean your hands have to lay around lazily. If your partner has a vulva, you could finger the inside of her vagina, play with her breasts, or tease her backdoor. If your partner has a penis, then you could gently tug on his balls, stroke his inner thigh, and pump the bottom of his shaft. The extra stimulation can make the oral experience that much more enjoyable for both of you.

Make Eye Contact
Eye contact is the most under-used arousal tactic, because it puts us in a vulnerable place. However, some eye contact can really amp up your oral pleasure. No need for a staring contest here, but a little gazing into your lover's eyes can go a long way. Your eyes can say many things. Think about the energy you want to convey. The eyes can say: “I love you,” “I want you,” or even “let's f*%k.” Know your audience so that you convey the desired message.

Reading Body Language
Reading the landscape of your lover's body is a key component to mastering the art of oral. Ask your lover to be direct with their non-verbal cues. Non-verbal cues can be moans and groans for “yes,” or pressing your hips upward to indicate “more.” If things don't feel so good, your partner’s more likely to be unresponsive, push you away, or even tell you to stop. That’s your cue to stop and check in! They might need a break to check in with their body, or they might need a different type of stimulation. Many people have survived sexual violations in their past, and these memories can haunt us during any point in the sexual experience. Slowing down and stopping to check with your partner can be really healing and ultimately help you move forward with more pleasure.

Verbal Cues
I typically joke with my clients that it's easier to have sex than talk about it. This is true in the moment too. Yet, when we use our voice to indicate our wants and needs, it really helps facilitate a great time. You can pair your verbal cues with the non-verbal ones. Use a few moans or groans, then offer some simple directions such as: “Please slide to the left a little bit,” or “Can you slow it down just a tad?,” or “I'd love if you could suck a little tighter.” If you are more hesitant to speak, the giver can check in every so often and ask how's it going and what changes you need. Remember, no one is a mind-reader. Though the tips in this chapter are helpful for building your skill set, different people like different kinds of stimulation.

How to Give a Great Blowjob

If you’re a movie buff, you might have heard the famous line: “You just put your lips together and blow.” While Lauren Bacall was talking about whistling, this is a good start to understanding the art of fellatio — i.e. the blowjob.

First off, it's important to help your partner get hard. You can do this with your mouth, your hands, your words, or a combo of all the above. In this teasing phase you have many options. You can shower him with gentle kisses around the crotch and groin. You can lightly run the tips of your fingernails along his butt cheeks. You can stroke the shaft, breathing gently on the tip of the penis, and cupping the balls. You can make eye contact for a moment or two, then return to the penis. The intention here is teasing — giving off hints of the fun that's about to come.

Next, it’s time to put your tongue to work. Give the bottom of their shaft a long, slow lick – starting down at the balls and working your way all the way up to the tip. Concentrate on the frenulum — the super-sensitive spot where the tip meets the shaft. Keep licking as if you would an ice cream cone. If you don't typically lick ice cream cones, imagine being curious about the flavor, licking from different angles, and licking at different speeds. The same goes for the penis. If you want an alternative taste, consider applying one of our flavored Adam & Eve lubes at this point. They taste sweet, so it can make your licking experience even more tantalizing.

Keep your ear out for moans of pleasure. This is a good time to apply your three E’s: enthusiasm, excitement, and energy. As you bring your energy level up, you may notice his arousal building. As this shift occurs, you can transition to the next phase: blowing.

Blowing is a colloquial term for using your mouth to make magic. It involves more of a sucking motion than blowing air. For sucking on a penis, it's important to use your lips to cover your teeth. This prevents your pearly whites from scraping against the super-sensitive nerves in the tip of the penis. Then, take the penis in your mouth. If you’re relatively new to giving blowjobs, focus on the tip and don’t try to take the whole thing at once. You can use your lubed up hand as an extension of your mouth, so you don't have to take too much penis all at once. From here, apply a gentle sucking motion while rubbing your tongue all over the penis. As you become used to the sensation, you can play with taking the shaft deeper. Just be careful not to go too deep too soon, or you might trigger your gag reflex.

As you play with techniques, imagine yourself having magic lover’s lips. You can move your lips up and down the shaft, while gently sucking. Maintain this for a minute or two to create a consistent rhythm before changing things. If you notice arousal building very quickly, you could pull back to focus on the tip and give it a few kisses. If arousal is building a little slowly, you could take a deep breath and see just how deep you can go. It can be fun to play with speed and make his toes curl or slow it down to make sure he doesn't finish too fast. You might even stop sucking on the penis altogether and try licking it instead or sucking on his balls. You can also break up the sucking with some blowing. When blowing, think of blowing out birthday candles. This creates a gentle sensation on the tip of the penis. Then return to the sucking and licking technique.

Remember, if your mouth or jaw get tired, transition to your lubed-up hand to give yourself a break. Don't forget your three E's here. You can even try offering some salacious sexy words while you stroke the shaft with your hand. Or use your other hand for some backdoor play on the taint or prostate. Many men love having a butt plug or finger inside the backdoor while getting a blowjob because it can make the orgasm even more explosive.

And if your mouth is totally tired or rendered out of commission (like if you have a cold sore), don’t fret — we’ve got you covered in the toy department. You know the folks at Adam & Eve love their toys!

There are several of them that you can use while giving a blowjob or in substitute of a blowjob. One of my favorites is the Copper Cutie Rechargeable Vibrator. This little bullet buzzes the balls and shaft while you suck on the tip for more intense oral. Fleshlight masturbators make great oral toys too. These strokers are specially designed to create a natural sucking sensation – making them the perfect blowjob backup. The GoodHead Kit for Him is a veritable smorgasbord of pleasure, with everything you need to give a great blowjob. Flavored gel and lip balm add a yummy sensation that will leave you licking your lips… and other parts. Tingling mints offer a tasty zing. And a vibrating ring tickles you and your lover in all the right places.

If you’re paying close attention to body language, you’ll be able to tell when he is about to ejaculate. You have four main options here. The first option is to enjoy the orgasm in your mouth, then swallow. The second is to enjoy the orgasm in your mouth, then spit into a tissue or the sink. Third, you can point his penis onto a body part of yours or his, like the chest or belly, and enjoy the visual show. Or lastly, you can bring a tissue or small towel close by and have him ejaculate into that. What you do is all up to your comfort level. If you’re comfortable with swallowing, then go for it. If you’re not comfortable doing that, use one of the other options offered. Never make yourself uncomfortable. Giving needs to feel just as good as receiving.

Blowjob Extra: How to Deep Throat

If you’ve already got some serious blowjob credentials, then you have the option of starting off your blowjob with a bang! This can throw off your lover — in a good way. Basically, you begin with a deep swallow as far as you can, while humming a little tune in the back of your throat. The vibrations of humming create a unique sensation that only a deep blowjob can offer. If you have a strong gag reflex, this may not be for you — yet!

Most blowjobs only work the first few inches of the penis. Deep throating involves swallowing the entire length of the penis down your throat. It’s one of those tasks for those over-achievers who want it all.

The biggest roadblock to deep throating is the sensitive nerve endings at the back of your throat. Those nerves trigger the gag reflex to help prevent you from choking. Unfortunately, they also kick in whenever you try deep throating someone.

If it's important to you, this reaction can be overcome with practice. Slowly insert a long, thin object, such as a toothbrush, in your mouth and move it toward the back of your throat. When you begin gagging, stop and take a few breaths to suppress your gag reflex while holding the object in place for as long as possible.

As you do this over time, you’ll be able to hold the object in place longer and longer without gagging. When you can reach 10 seconds, start moving the object back and forth like you were giving a blowjob. As you continue building up experience, you can switch to a larger object like a small dildo. (Do not use a banana. Banana blowjobs might look funny on social media and in the movies, but they can be dangerous. The banana could easily break off in your throat and create a choking hazard.)

If you’re still keen on doing deep throat but continue to struggle with your gag reflex, you can check out GoodHead Deep Throat Spray. This spray lives up to its name by gently numbing the nerves in the back of your throat so you can deep throat even the biggest guys.

Once you’ve conquered the gag reflex challenge, breath control is the next important lesson. Deep throating seals off your throat, so you’ll need to take a big breath beforehand. Most people have their best results by inhaling as the object goes in and exhaling as it comes out.

After a few more practice sessions, you’ll be able to try out your new deep throating skills on the real thing. Good luck and most importantly, have fun! If it doesn't ever work out, don't stress. Most men are just happy to have their penis licked and loved by the mouth.

The Craft of Cunnilingus: How to Go Down on a Woman

Before diving face-first into your lover, you need to make sure they are open to your gift and at least slightly turned on. If you need a foreplay refresher, go back to Chapter 6. While the gift of oral pleasure can be helpful to eliciting arousal, putting some full body touching time in can help generate excitement, and ultimately, orgasm. If she orgasms during oral sex, she'll be begging, and maybe even bragging, for a long time to come!

Before you start, make sure your hands are clean and your fingernails clipped if you plan to do some digital play along with your tongue teasing. If you have a beard or mustache, make sure it's long and soft or trimmed back to prevent irritation. If you are the receiver, you may want to shower or wash off. It's not required, unless it helps you relax a little more or it's requested by your giver.

Next, slowly kiss the whole body, moving in towards the vulva. You can kiss and nibble the outer labia, the inner labia, and tease the clit. Pay close attention to her body language and other signals. You can gauge arousal based on moans and rotating hips. At this point, you can introduce your tongue and let the magic begin.

When it comes to oral magic on the clit, there are dozens of different techniques you can use. Whatever technique you employ, the main thing is to never, ever forget the Three S’s: Slow, Subtle, Soft. The clit is sensitive. If you overwhelm it with speed or pressure, you will have to do a lot of backtracking. It's better to start off gently and build momentum.

Technique one is the alphabet method where your tongue traces out letters over the clit and the entrance to the vagina. (Don't forget that the introitus, or entrance to the vagina, can be very sensitive. If the clit gets a little overwhelmed, you can take a break and come here).

Another technique is what I call the Snake Lick. This is similar to licking an ice cream cone, as I mentioned in the section on blowjobs, except with way less vigor and intensity. This is why it's called the Snake Lick. Imagine your tongue like a little snake, licking gently but with enthusiasm and curiosity. As arousal builds, your little garter snake can grow into a larger boa or even an anaconda. But make sure your lover is ready for that intensity.

A third technique involves sucking on the clit. Give your own lips a good lick to make sure they’re nice and wet. Then shape them into a small “O” just slightly larger than their clit. Press your lips around their clit and start gently sucking on it. You can suck on it steadily or create a gentle rhythm where you suck and release pressure. You could even alternate between sucking and blowing on their clit. What you don't want to do is blow into their vagina. Blowing into the vaginal canal can cause an air embolism. It's not common, but it can occur, especially if your lover is pregnant.

Some women enjoy a finger inside their vagina or anus while getting their clit sucked on. This can highly enhance the pleasure of oral sex and accelerate the orgasm. This is because more nerve endings are engaged, and more sensation is offered to the body.

Remember, some clits like consistency of sensation, while others prefer a variety of methods and technique. You will have to ask to make sure you know your course of action. If your tongue is out of commission from fatigue or oral herpes, don't stress — you can always use a toy to help you out.

When it comes to oral sex toys for women, Adam & Eve has several different options to keep your lover moaning. A basic vibrator like the Rechargeable Finger Vibe or First Time Mini Vibrator is great for working their clit while your tongue explores other areas. If you’re looking for something a little more comprehensive, the GoodHead Kit for Her definitely delivers. Loaded with yummy-tasting gel and lip balm as well as tingly mints, this kit delivers all kinds of lip-smacking goodness. It even comes with a tongue-shaped vibrator for when your tongue needs a break!

For the ultimate oral experience, you’ve got to try the Satisfyer Breathless. This innovative stimulator blows on your clit just like someone eating you out. But that’s not all. This bad boy vibrates too for even more fun. It’s so good that I’ve been giving them away to all my friends!

How to Give a Moan-Worthy Rimjob

While not everyone is interested in this last type of oral sex (and that’s perfectly okay), rimming can be surprisingly fun. Rimming excites all the super-sensitive nerves in the anus that border the genitals. This makes it extremely pleasurable – especially when you factor in the taboo thrills associated with anal play. I definitely recommend trying rimming a few times on both the giving and receiving ends. Otherwise, you’ll never know what you’re missing out on!

A good rimjob starts with proper hygiene. The person getting rimmed should carefully wash their backdoor with warm, soapy water. Since rimming doesn’t go very deep, it doesn’t require the same extensive preparation work that anal sex does.

After everything’s clean, the person getting rimmed should get comfortable. That might mean lying flat face down on a bed or getting down on the hands and knees. The actual position doesn’t matter as much as making sure your partner has easy access to your backdoor.

Once the recipient’s ready, it’s a relatively simple matter for the giver to start licking. In many ways, rimming someone is like jumping into a swimming pool. It’s much better to just go ahead and do it, rather than overthink things. This is because the biggest obstacle is the psychological one. Once you try it and realize it’s downright enjoyable, you can focus on pleasing your partner and having fun together.

Rimming is all about the licking. Beginners can start on the outside and slowly move their way in using a circular motion. For variety, you could flick the tongue across the backdoor and vary the speed. More experienced rimmers can incorporate advanced techniques that you use for giving blowjobs or performing cunnilingus.

You can spice up your rimjob by adding a few sex toys – just make sure they’re anal friendly ones! The Booty Bliss Beads feature a graduated design that starts small at the tip before gradually growing bigger and bigger. That makes them great for everyone from anal beginners to experts! The Bump Rechargeable Anal Vibe features a stronger motor as well as 10 vibration modes for more intense thrills. The Waterproof Prostate Massager features an extra-long shaft with curved tip to work your prostate or perineum.