Fueled by the exploding popularity of erotic fiction, BDSM has moved from underground clubs to mainstream talk shows and magazines. Just a few years ago, people who would have been shocked at the idea of using silk ties during sex are now trading handcuff tips with friends and joking about safe words. But BDSM involves much more than occasionally blindfolding your partner or furry handcuffs.
Bondage + Domination and Submission + Masochism = BDSM
BDSM consists of multiple sexual activities involving power and control. BDSM enthusiasts break into three major areas – starting with bondage. Bondage is a sexual activity based on one person restraining another. The restrained person is completely at their partner’s mercy, forcing them to submit to their partner’s power and control.
The second area of BDSM involves domination and submission. The submissive (sub) is expected to serve the dominant partner (dom) and obey their commands. The dom typically enforces their power and control over the sub by punishing them for misbehaving.
Masochism is the third area of BDSM and focuses on increasing sexual pleasure through sensory stimulation. This sensory stimulation could involve something as simple as ice cubes or vibrating nipple clamps as well as more advanced forms like electro stimulators. Masochists try to balance pleasure and pain – using one form of sensory stimulation to enhance the other. A masochist was probably the first person to coin the phrase: “There’s a fine line between pleasure and pain.”
How Does Spanking Fit In?
Like many bondage activities, spanking crosses the line betwen Domination/Submission and Mascochism. Many kinky couples practice spanking as a form of discipline when the submissive disobeys or ignores their dom. When used as a punishment, spanking is often done bare-handed to establish the dom's power. For more serious offenses, a dom might spank their sub with a paddle, riding crop or whip. A moderate amount of spanking is a natural part of Domination/Submission. When taking to extremes, however, spanking can easily cross the line into Masochism. This more extreme form of spanking can involve canes, whips with knotted ends, and similar objects.
The Allure of BDSM
Most people see BDSM as little more than a kinky way to spice up their sex life. These experimenters generally stick to the softer side of BDSM with Velcro restraints, furry handcuffs, feathered ticklers, and light role playing.
Other practitioners are attracted by the power aspects of BDSM. People in powerful, high-stress jobs often turn to submission so they can give up control, even if it’s only for a few hours. Just as many people are interested in dominating someone. Having another person obey your commands and fulfill your sexual fantasies can be a huge ego boost.
The most serious participants, however, view BDSM as a lifestyle. They spend big bucks buying elaborate sex furniture and kinky leather costumes. Some BDSM enthusiasts even create formal dom-sub contracts to establish a codified set of rules and punishments for the sub to follow.
