Dear Laura and Larry,

I'm in a committed healthy wonderful relationship and I'm not new to sex or my body. Here's the problem. I've been trying everything you could think of with my current boyfriend but still fail at reaching an orgasm. But here's the kicker. I've never had an orgasm at all, alone or with a partner. I've always enjoyed crazy sex, just not the ending part. Me and my boyfriend are becoming very serious, and the orgasm problem is starting to have a negative effect on our relationship. After buying all the toys, and trying all the positions, what is the next step to solving this problem? Should I mention it to my doctor? Is that even a thing she could help me with? Or is it maybe a psychological thing? --No O

Laura's Response:

Dear No O,
If you've never had an orgasm at all, it suggests to me more that you don't know how to let go in that critical way and let it happen. Orgasmic feelings are very intense, and some people just aren't sure how to go "over the edge." Once you do, it becomes easier and easier, both alone and with a partner! Before you go to the doctor to get checked out, try a few tricks. First, get some Nympho's Desire cream to really supercharge your arousal. Then, watch a hot adult movie to get into a scorching mood! Try our hot award winner The 8th Day for some good action. Finally, bring out the powerful big guns: the A&E Massaging Vibrator is strong enough to bring just about anyone to orgasm (tip: put a folded hand towel between it and you, or it might be too strong). Explore what feels good with this vibe, and happy O hunting!

Larry's Response:

Dear O,
While men and women view and experience orgasm in different ways, both genders are pretty much in favor of the practice as a conclusion to the sweatier parts of sex. And while it's true that you can have a fulfilling sex life without orgasm, it's kinda missing the point. So your inability to have your moment is troubling, especially to the man who has pledged his heart and devoted himself to your pleasure and happiness. If you've tried all the toys (and one has to be skeptical that you've tried ALL the toys . . . there are a LOT of toys out there with new ones being developed every day) and all the positions, then yes, you should mention this to your primary care physician or gynecologist on your next visit. If your initial exam screening checks out - making sure you haven't mislaid your clitoris, for example - then your doc might refer you to either a good clinical psychologist specializing in sexual issues or a urologist or both. Between the two of them they might be able to figure out why you aren't quite reaching the station. In the meantime, continue to practice if you enjoy it, and assure your partner that you're looking into the matter. The important thing on this front is for him to understand that it isn't anything he is or isn't doing - and this might take some very creative convincing. Good luck!

Dear Laura and Larry, My wife and I were curious about her ability to have several orgasms. When I give her oral sex, we have counted 15 to 20 orgasms. When I say "orgasms" I mean arching her back, screaming, and shoving my head into her crotch. She also floods my mouth with her fluids. We were wondering if other women experience the amount and intensity of orgasms? Our ages are 47 and 49, and she's done this our whole marriage of 28 years. --Licky and Screamy

Laura's Response:

Dear Licky and Screamy,
First, I want thank you for proving the point that sex can get better and better with age and in a committed relationship! Sounds like you two are still hot for each other. Some other women
indeed do experience these levels of multiple orgasms--but not every woman. Some women are one-and-done in terms of orgasms during a single "session." Sounds like your lucky lady is fortunate, both in her repeatability and in the loving attention you give her! For other readers interested in multiple orgasms, check out Nina Hartley's Guide to Multiple Orgasms and her Guide to Female Ejaculation. And remember: not every woman can come several times in a row, and not every woman squirts.

Larry's Response:

Dear L&S,
Your wife is one of the lucky ones! While theoretically all women are capable of orgasm and even multiples, the sad fact remains that there are a few who do not reach their moment - ever. Then there are a few that can do so at the slightest touch or thought (there's even a medical term for the condition: Persistent Arousal Disorder). Between the two extremes lies everyone else. It sounds like your wife is a multiple, thanks in part to your skill and enthusiasm, but she's by no means alone, or even rare, thanks to a couple of decades of liberated thinking on female sexuality. Since the late 60s more women have been pursuing multiples with partners and - more importantly - the arsenal of toys available. As first the clitoris and then the G-spot began to haunt the popular feminine imagination, and female masturbation moved from the realm of rumor to an everyday fact of life, more women were able to learn about their bodies' sexual responses and pursue the elusive BIG O (plus a couple of dozen smaller but no less enjoyable Os). Enjoy your orgasmic bounty in the full knowledge that across this great nation there are plenty of ladies who are pumping out as many climaxes as your over-achieving wife!

Dear Laura and Larry, Does size really matter? --RH

Laura's Response,

Dear RH,
My personal opinion is that NO, size doesn't matter. Technique is everything. I know that many women and men agree with me. Others will say that size is important to them. It depends more on your partner's opinion. Sure, the men who star in porn are frequently well endowed, but they also have the not-so-common ability to keep it up a long time (even when not strictly in the mood) and only orgasm when the director says "go." Many times, photographers use tricks to make a wang look bigger, too. In the interest of helping men everywhere be pleased with their equipment, here are my tips. (1) Shave all your pubic hair off. Yes, go bald, it makes you look two inches bigger, no lie. Try the Coochy rash free shave creme for great results. (2) Try a penis pump with a cock ring to get you larger (and possibly more sensitive) than normal, temporarily. The Precision Pump is great for this. (3) Try a penis enhancer. These are great for adding girth (or length). Did you know that the vagina has almost no nerve endings after the first third of its length (maybe 2 inches or so)? Seriously! The few nerve endings that are in the deep vagina respond to pressure--a feeling of fullness, of being a little bit "stretched." The Real Feel Penis Enhancer is great for this.

Larry's Response:

Dear RH,
WHY? WHAT HAS MY WIFE BEEN SAYING??!!? Sorry - instinctive reaction! Despite the calm assurances of decades of sex therapists who insist that in a loving, caring relationship penile size doesn't matter, the rubber-meets-the-road data reveals that yes, size does matter - to men and women. Too small is a problem for all but the pettiest ladies - if it doesn't touch both sides it's generally seen as an issue. Similarly too large is also a problem. Despite all the press about female "size queens" seeking out the biggest-dicked cowboys in the ranch, there is such a thing as too big. My platonic wingwomen have established a scale for size, actually, ranging in ascending order from "genetic anomaly", "Aww! Cute!", "Maybe worth the effort", "Not Bad!", "Nice!", "Mmmmm!", "Wow!", "OMG!", "Rolling Pin", and, finally, the "Get That Thing Away From Me, Mister!". Most women prefer something comfortably in the middle. Luckily, there is expensive, painful surgery that can be used in our glorious hi-tech age of miracle medicine to correct both too much and too little of a good thing. But consider carefully before indulging in such whims - did I mention it's expensive and painful?

Similarly, breast size matters, too. While the "littlest angels" have their charm, and an enthusiastic approach can make up for any deficits for most guys, the fellas in general prefer something between an apple and a grapefruit, preferably two of the same size. And while we go ga-ga for ta-tas in the melon range, apocryphal evidence shows that actually living with a pair of hooters that take up more room in bed than you do can be irritating. But unlike many women who too often decide to factor Mr. Happy's size into their equation when it comes to long-term relationships, most dudes don't care much, one way or another, about their babe's boob size. Breasts can be seen everywhere, providing a gentle, constant, pleasant reminder of our fascination with them in general, not our dissatisfaction with a particular set. Tits are tits and we're generally happy with them when they're rubbed in our face. We're very forgiving that way.