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Our Favorite Mother’s Day MILFs |
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While most people generally consider Mother’s Day a warm and wholesome occasion meant to be celebrated with family get-togethers and sappy presents, your friends at Adam and Eve like to spend the day honoring MILFs, those mavens of mature sexuality who have introduced generations of pool boys, delivery boys, and college boys to the art of sex.
MILFs have been around for ages, but it’s only recently these hard-working women have started getting the credit they deserve. Odds are that if you’ve ever met a guy who did something extra special with his tongue or was so good at giving massages that you practically melted in his hands, there’s a MILF somewhere in his past who taught him everything he knows! To commemorate all the cherries these older women have popped and the countless hours spent teaching young men about the mysterious clitoris and G Spot, we’ve prepared a list of our favorite Mrs. Robinsons.
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We’ve started getting a lot of questions recently asking about the difference between a MILF and a Cougar. After an energetic debate around the office that ended with a fight in the parking lot during lunch, we took the question to an expert with the U.S. Zoological Service, Dr. Mast R. Bater. Here is Dr. Bater’s answer:
MILFs and Cougars are closely related, there’s no question about that. The two belong to the family anililicus bonabilius, more commonly known as boneable older women. Both MILFs and Cougars are older women who share a similar taste for younger men.
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Thanks a lot for all your dirty poem submissions. We’ve got quite a few that left us laughing and some that were too much for even us to print. Here are a few of our favorites:
Daisy & Deb
By N.
There once was a woman named Daisy
Whose husband was quite lazy
He would lay there prone
While she worked on his bone
One day she met woman named Deb
Who quickly got her into bed
She buzzed her with her plastic dick
And made her come quite quick
Now Deb is with Daisy
and I know it may sound crazy
If it weren't for the toy from Adam and Eve
Deb would never have gotten Daisy
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Last-minute Cinco de Mayo Party Tips |
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It's never too late to throw a party! And if you follow these simple steps, you can have a decent Cinco de Mayo get together.
- Drive to the liquor store immediately and stock up on tequila. Odds are their supply's already running low, and you'll be better off with a bottle of paint thinner if you wait much longer
- Call up your friends and tell them about your last minute party plans. Assign them different tasks from buying food to getting party stuff so you don't have to do it all yourself.
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Some Handy Advice for Masturbation |
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If you weren’t already aware, May just happens to be masturbation month. And if there’s one thing Adam and Eve can heartily endorse, it’s masturbation! To help with your cock-stroking and clit-tickling, we’ve pulled together a few masturbation hints to help you along!
- Change up your rhythm. The break in routine can be a huge turn on!
- Try masturbating in different places. The laundry room can be especially fun when the washer or dryer’s vibrating!
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Cast Your Vote in the F.A.M.E. Awards |
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Who's your favorite adult star? What's the hottest adult movie?
Cast your vote for those and over a dozen other categories at http://www.thefameawards.com/home.aspx.
The F.A.M.E. Awards (Fans of Adult Media & Entertainment) are the only major adult awards picked by fans like you! While there are numerous other XXX award shows, Adam and Eve and other adult companies wanted to create one where the true critics – adult movie fans like you – could pick their favorites in the categories that matter most to them. In order to be eligible to vote, fans must be 18 years of age or over and enter a valid email address. Steps and security measures have been taken to help assure that no one will be able to vote multiple times.
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Since we have enjoyed all of your dirty poem submissions that left us laughing, we thought it would also be fun to include some dirty jokes as well! Send us your favorite dirty joke and we may publish it in our upcoming newsletters. Email us at newsletter@adameve.com.
Here is one of our favorites:
Tony's wife heard the doorbell ring.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks just to see one."
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Ask Laura & Larry |
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Advice Column:Everyone knows that men and women operate on two completely different wavelengths. To help bridge the divide, we've put together a team of sexperts (Laura and Larry) to offer their perspectives and help solve any problem you might have, other than unusual rashes or bumps. Ask Laura and Larry your questions by emailing them at asklaura@adameve.com and check out next month's newsletter to get their answers! |
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Questions of the Month |
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Dear Laura & Larry,
My boyfriend and I have been together almost two years, in the beginning we had sex at least two to three times a week and now it is every two or three months. He said it is not me, but I feel like he does not find me attractive anymore. He is going to be 38 soon and I am in my early 30s. Is there anything I can do to spice things up? --Lacking Sex
Laura’s Response:
Dear Lacking,
A mismatch of desire is probably the most common problem in any couple’s sex life. Trust your boyfriend when he says it is not you, because it really isn’t you! The first thing you should do is communicate with him about how important the sexual aspect of your relationship is. Let him know that you want to spice things up and maintain that aspect of your connection. There are many things you can try after that. Make regular “dates” and watch a hot adult movie, act out your favorite fantasy , or have some romantic time in the tub together. Good luck!
Larry’s Response:
Dear Lacking,
Of course there is – but it takes two to tango. Your worries that he doesn’t find you attractive anymore are perfectly natural and understandable, but your boyfriend is probably right: it’s not you – singular. It’s you, plural. After almost two years you have probably lapsed into a “comfort zone” of quarterly sex, which unfortunately happens to a lot of couples. And it’s not a trivial matter. This is actually a make-or-break point to determine how well the relationship might survive in the future, so pay close attention. There’s no magic bullet (unless you resign yourself to a vibrator for the duration of the relationship). You’re going to have to put in some work to shatter that comfort zone.
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DescriptionLet Flower Tucci Squirt All Over You!
Molded directly from squirt queen Flower Tucci, this CyberSkin pussy adult sex toy will drench you to an explosive orgasm!
This is something entirely new in masturbation toys! Flower Tucci’s CyberSkin Squirting Pussy actually squirts -- just like squirt queen Flower Tucci herself! This male sex toy is molded directly from adult movie star Flower’s own pussy. Hand-painted details include Flower’s hand holding her CyberSkin pussy wide open for you, so you can see the flesh between her fingers.
Once you try Flower’s Squirting Pussy, no masturbation toy will ever feel the same again!
Brand: Topco
Colors: Beige
Function: Battery Free, Waterproof, Realistic shape
Gender: Male
Length: 7.0 inches
Material:Realistic
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Tell us what you think of the Adam & Eve Pink Lips Pussy Stroker Email us at newsletter@adameve.com
Soft Pink Lips Swallow Your Dick! |
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Slip your stiff one between the soft pink lips of this hefty 7” stroker and prepare for a whole new sensation. Not only does she look real, the hypoallergenic and latex-free Cyberskin material feels real, too. Let her tight ribbed walls hug and stimulate you to the most explosive orgasm ever. Open-ended for easy cleaning.
Brand: Adam and Eve
Colors: Pink
Function: Realistic shape, Hypoallergenic, Battery Free
Gender: Male
Length: 7.0 inches
Material: Jelly
Width: 1.50 inches
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Recycle Your Old Catalogs |
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Did you know that you can recycle the catalogs and letters you receive in the mail?
From our famous mail-order catalog to that IRS audit letter, the majority of mail you receive is 100% recyclable.
Adam & Eve recently started working with the Direct Marketing Association to increase recycling awareness. Just look for the special “Recycle Please” logo on catalogs and other letters you receive in the mail and drop them off at your local recycling center after placing your order.
With your help, we'll significantly increase the recycling rate and help preserve forests and other natural treasures for future generations to enjoy. |
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Help us, Help you! |
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In our quest to be the best newsletter we can be on a low-budget, limited coffee breaks, and staff of typewriting monkeys, we need your help.
If you have any suggestions of things you'd like to see in the future, especially monthly features so we don't have to waste precious brain space trying to come up with semi-original ideas, then please email them to us at newsletter@adameve.com.
We promise to read your ideas carefully and thoroughly before making fun of the lamer ones and claiming the better ones as our own ideas. Seriously though, if you should proposition an idea that we end up using, we'll give you a shout-out plus a free annual subscription to the newsletter.
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