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July 4th Weekend – It’s Never Too Late to Have Fun |
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Just because July 4th is over, doesn’t mean the party has to stop. You’ve still got the rest of the weekend to cut loose and celebrate America’s birthday. So here are a few ideas to help you get started.
- Tail of the Dog – Rather than clean up all by yourself after the big Fourth of July Bash, invite some folks for a cleaning up party instead. Just be sure to serve non-alcoholic drinks or you’ll need to have a cleaning up party for your cleaning up party.
- Bedroom Fireworks – While the cops will probably frown on you setting off firecrackers on random days, you’ve got the perfect excuse to work some bedroom magic with your significant other.
- Erotic Food – Don’t let all those cook-out leftovers go to waste. If your partner’s up for some food play, ditch the baked beans and put all that leftover red, white and blue cake icing to work.
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Thousands of rabbit vibrators are sitting in our cold warehouse this very minute, packed into small boxes with no one to love them or play with them. These lonely little sex toys just need a good, loving home with someone willing to feed them batteries, keep them clean and play with their little vibrating ears and gyrating button noses.
Rabbit vibrators make an excellent pet for lonely women, couples looking to spice up their love life, and men who aren’t intimidated by a little competition in the bedroom.
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Your Guide to the 2009 Adult Summer Games |
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Believe it or not, your friends at Adam and Eve tend to be a highly competitive bunch. Usually this competition works its way out via the usual means – drinking games and contests, betting on various sport events, and our annual no-holds-barred thumb-wrestling tournament. However, we’re suffering from Olympic deprivation this year so we’ve decided to come up with our own adult-version of the Olympics and outlined a few hypothetical games for your entertainment.
Please keep in mind that these events should only be performed by seasoned professionals and well-meaning amateurs. They should not be attempted in your own office or the annual company picnic unless you’d like to get fired and/or sued. And we only suggest trying them at home if your significant other approves, and the neighbors won’t call the police. (Seriously though, these are all joke events so we can’t be held legally responsible if you’re wacky enough to actually try any of these.)
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Since we have enjoyed all of your dirty poem submissions that left us laughing, we thought it would also be fun to include some dirty jokes as well! Send us your favorite dirty joke and we may publish it in our upcoming newsletters. Email us at newsletter@adameve.com.
Here is one of our favorites:
My Penis is Orange!
A guy goes to a doctor and says, "Doc, you've got to help me. My penis is orange." Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy's penis isn't orange. Doc tells the guy, "This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person's life.”
Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, "How are things going at work?"The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, "No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I'm getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy."So the doc figures this isn't the reason.
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Ask Laura & Larry |
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Advice Column:
Everyone knows that men and women operate on two completely different wavelengths. To help bridge the divide, we've put together a team of sexperts (Laura and Larry) to offer their perspectives and help solve any problem you might have, other than unusual rashes or bumps. Ask Laura and Larry your questions by emailing them at asklaura@adameve.com and check out next month's newsletter to get their answers! |
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Questions of the Month |
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Dear Laura & Larry,
I bought some products and have no idea how to use them, or what (if any) dangers there might be. For instance, Ben Wa Balls. Can they get stuck and not come out? How do I use them—can I have sex with them inside me? --Lady Balls
Laura’s Response:
Dear Lady Balls,
Ben Wa Balls generally should be used as a method for strengthening your PC muscle, one of your pelvic floor muscles. Insert the balls just at the entrance to your vagina (not farther up), and then, just try to keep them from falling out. The balls isolate the correct muscle and help you build it up. When you strengthen this muscle, you offer a lot of sexual benefits! Once you know how to flex it (without the balls), you can get more aroused, because this brings more blood flow to the vagina and vulva. You can flex your muscle during sex for some awesome sensations for his penis and more friction on your G-spot. I do not recommend using Ben Wa Balls during sex--you can get bruising inside! Some women use Ben Wa Balls purely for the pleasurable sensation they give. Vibrating ones are great for this--check out our P3 Power Balls
Larry’s Response:
Dear Lady Balls,
Generally speaking, it's best to do a little research before you go off and buy a new sex toy, willy-nilly. Luckily we have the Internet, and specifically the (insert official name of A&E Product Guide with link here) to give you valuable information to help you decide on just which toy would work best in which orifice. So please, before you hit the “add to cart” be sure you've scoped out the specs on the toy in question - your emergency room doctor will thank you later.
That being said, there’s not much that can go wrong with Ben Wa balls. Invented in ancient China, these two little hollow metal balls contain even smaller metal balls inside their hollow spaces. When inserted gently into the vagina, they rest against the G-spot. When you walk or rock on a swing or just sneeze funny, the two balls rub together while the inner balls jiggle around and WHOA NELLIE! As far as sophisticated orgasmic technology goes, these things were WAY ahead of their time. Standing and walking with Ben Wa in place can prove challenging, forcing the woman in question to continually tighten her PC muscles to keep them from slipping out – and deal with what feels like tiny little elves tap-dancing on her G-spot. A few female friends of mine rave about the practice, and one confided that she makes sure she wears hers when she goes out to clubs in order to promote a receptive mood. Another slips them in before she makes her commute home to distract from the long ride and vibrate away the cares and worries of her day.
While designed originally for solo pleasure, unless you posses an unnaturally tight vagina you should be able to have intercourse comfortably with them in place. If any pain or discomfort result, then please stop using them immediately. The likelihood that they’ll “get stuck” is fairly low, but plenty of women have had to go fish them back out after a particular vigorous session. If that happens, don’t panic and call 9-11 – just relax, stand up, and give a few hearty jumps to encourage the little buggers to drop. Some women have the opposite problem: their PC muscles are not strong enough to keep the balls in place. So I’d also recommend that if you do wear them in public, you do so with pants or at least panties, lest they get away from you, roll across the floor at a dinner party, and become a conversation piece. Trust me on this one.
Dear Laura & Larry,
I always hear and read about women’s G-spot. Could you explain the male G-spot? I got one of the Prostate Massagers and I’m not sure how to use it. How far to stick it in? Do I need a partner, or can I do it myself? I'm 24, am I too young to try this sex exploration?
--Backdoor Ben
Laura's Response:
Dear Backdoor Ben,
No, you are not too young to try this sexual exploration! Anal play is not particularly “kinky” or “naughty.” The fact is, there are lots of nerve endings in the anus that are stimulated and feel great. Additionally, for men, careful stimulation of the prostate can make extremely powerful orgasms! To use your Prostate Massager appropriately, you must be well-lubed and relaxed. Begin with external anal massage with your fingers or a vibrating toy.
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Sexual Horoscope: |
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| Looking for guidance in affairs of the bedroom? See what the stars have to say about your sex life! Loaded with what to expect, our monthly sex astrologer offers up a whirlwind of advice from the stars to keep your love life hopping! |
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| Leo (July 23–Aug 22)
Bring some more POW into your lovemaking! The Vibrating Ball Banger Cockring brings vibrations for her pleasure spot, plus longer lasting erections and testicle stimulation for him! |
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| Virgo (Aug 23–Sept 23)
A double pleaser for you not-so-virginal Virgo men. Check out our Bottom's Up P-Spot Pleaser for prostate and perineum thrills! |
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| Libra (Sept 24–Oct 23)
Got your thrills from glass already? Then check out our Alumina Revolve Dildo for some smooth, cool, metallic pleasures. |
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| Scorpio (Oct 24–Nov 22)
A little light bondage will spice up those scorching summer nights! The A&E Love Restraints make it easy and safe! |
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| Sagittarius (Nov 23–Dec 21)
You're big and horny. Have we ever got the toy for you! Our new Super Cyber Snatch Pump will have you squealing in pleasure. |
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| Capricorn (Dec 22–Jan 20)
Long and thin gets it in, but short and fat is where it's at! The Fat Boy Vibrator will soothe that itch for a monster! |
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| Aquarius (Jan 21–Feb 19)
You are finally ready for a little backdoor action, woo hoo! My First Anal Toy is the perfect toy to being your new thrill ride. |
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| Pisces (Feb 20–Mar 20)
You can't hide it anymore... you are a fan of sci fi! We know it, so now we have the hot new DVD This Ain't Star Trek XXX |
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| Aries (Mar 21–Apr 20)
For you or your girlfriend(s)... the P3 Power Balls are fabulous vibrating (and pulsating) balls for your pleasure. |
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| Gemini (May 22–June 21)
It's time a jack rabbit took up residence in your bedroom ... the Rechargeable Jack Rabbit, that is. Always ready, no need for more batteries.
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DescriptionPumping Masturbator For Bigger Erections!
You’ve never felt anything like this! The Super Cyber Snatch Pump masturbator sex toy combines the pumping and sucking action of a penis pump with the sensual feel of a premium-quality masturbator – all in one exciting sex toy!
The Super Cyber Snatch Pump masturbator sex toy combines a soft, lifelike masturbator sleeve with a powerful pump for bigger, harder erections.
Brand: Pipedream
Colors: Pink
Function: Waterproof, Stretchy, Textured shaft
Gender: Male
Length: 9.0 inches
Width: 2.00 inches
Material: Jelly
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Tell us what you think of the Wet® Together™ His & Hers Lubricant Email us at newsletter@adameve.com
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Two Exciting Sensations Come Together When You Do! |
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His warms! Hers tingles! Slather him with a water-based warming lube – drizzle her up with peppermint infused silicone lube – then feel fantastic sensations as the lubricants mix and mingle together for amazing sex! Latex-friendly with toys and condoms. Hypoallergenic, odorless, colorless and non-staining. Two 4 ounce bottles.
Gender: Male, Female
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Recycle Your Old Catalogs |
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Did you know that you can recycle the catalogs and letters you receive in the mail?
From our famous mail-order catalog to that IRS audit letter, the majority of mail you receive is 100% recyclable.
Adam & Eve recently started working with the Direct Marketing Association to increase recycling awareness. Just look for the special "Recycle Please" logo on catalogs and other letters you receive in the mail and drop them off at your local recycling center after placing your order.
With your help, we'll significantly increase the recycling rate and help preserve forests and other natural treasures for future generations to enjoy.
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Help us, Help you! |
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In our quest to be the best newsletter we can be on a low-budget, limited coffee breaks, and staff of typewriting monkeys, we need your help.
If you have any suggestions of things you'd like to see in the future, especially monthly features so we don't have to waste precious brain space trying to come up with semi-original ideas, then please email them to us at newsletter@adameve.com.
We promise to read your ideas carefully and thoroughly before making fun of the lamer ones and claiming the better ones as our own ideas. Seriously though, if you should proposition an idea that we end up using, we'll give you a shout-out plus a free annual subscription to the newsletter.
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