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Once again, it’s time to dig out your trusty calculator and the shoe box filled with old receipts and get ready to file your taxes. While you’re spending the next few nights trying to figure out why your numbers don’t add up and hoping that the IRS doesn’t decide to audit you this year, your friends at Adam & Eve wanted to make the whole process a little less stressful.
Our first idea was to convince the IRS that sex toys and adult movies are legitimate medical expenses and should be tax deductible. After all, adult products are great for stress relief and a proven cure for blue balls.
The IRS was not amused. In fact, they promised to “scrutinize your returns with a magnifying glass.” After removing various business expense deductions for vibrator batteries and big-screen TVs for reviewing adult movies, we decided it would be a lot easier on our legal bills to put together a sex toy guide. Just look up your filing status to find a few sex toy suggestions that will put a smile on your face even if you end up owing Uncle Sam this year. And if you get a nice refund instead, you’ve got something to spend your money on!
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It’s Not Just About April Fools or Easter |
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As part of an ongoing campaign here at Adam and Eve to justify having an intern hang around the office to laugh at our jokes and make runs to the local coffee shop, we occasionally have to give him real work to do. And this week it meant making him look up funny holidays for “research.” We had so much fun with what he found out that we just had to share it with you – so be sure to mark your calendar for the following days.
April 2, Reconciliation Day – Aside from Christmas, this is probably the greatest holiday ever as it’s completely devoted to make-up sex. It’s worth arguing with your partner just to celebrate this.
April 9, Name Yourself Day – While there’s too much paperwork and hassle to change your name every year, there’s absolutely no stress involved in coming up with a porn star name. Start with your mother’s maiden name, a pet, the street you grew up on and come up with the hottest combination possible. Remember – the wilder it is, the better!
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Are You a Poet and Want Everyone to Know it? |
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While we were scrounging around for ideas for this month's newsletter, we discovered that April is National Poetry Month. To celebrate, write up your own dirty limerick or poem and send it to us at newsletter@adameve.com. If we like it, we'll run it next month's newsletter. (You get bonus points for submitting ones that you find written on bathroom walls.)
To help get your creative juices flowing, we penned a few samples. Just bear in mind that no one here even pretends to be a real poet.
Vibrator Games
Tickling, teasing start.
Crank it up high to finish.
Ohhh, that hits the spot!
My First Anal Toy
This goes where? I’ll try…
Relax, take it slow, use lube
Ouch! Need numbing cream.
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Play Adam & Eve’s Erotic Photo Hunt FREE! |
Get ready to play with some of the sexiest girls on the planet! We did some “creative editing” on some hot pics, and we need your help to figure out what we changed. To play Adam & Eve’s Erotic Photo Hunt, just click here and pick a category on the right. You’ll then get to choose from 5 game boards featuring some of our favorite sexy ladies. You’ll see the original picture on your left and the new & improved version on the right. There are five changes for you to find in each pair, and it’s up to you to spot them all. If you’re stuck or think you’ve figured it out, then click the answer button to double-check the solution. Go ahead, take your time, this is the one instance where it’s ok to ogle and point.
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Ask Laura & Larry |
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Advice Column:Everyone knows that men and women operate on two completely different wavelengths. To help bridge the divide, we've put together a team of sexperts (Laura and Larry) to offer their perspectives and help solve any problem you might have, other than unusual rashes or bumps. Ask Laura and Larry your questions by emailing them at asklaura@adameve.com and check out next month's newsletter to get their answers! |
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Questions of the Month |
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Dear Laura & Larry,
My husband and I have been together for almost 10 years. Our sex life was great until recently. I have several toys, and he would rather use the toys on me instead of us having sex. What do you suggest I do to have him instead of the toys? Please help! –Deprived
Laura’s Response:
Dear Deprived,
To start with, I’m glad your man isn’t threatened by sex toys! At least he’s willing to use them on you. That’s a great start. You might have to remind him that the toys don’t have to be the main course, they can be the appetizer to get you both warmed up! Toys are about pleasure and sensation; sex is about pleasure as well as an emotional connection to your partner (which is why toys will never replace a person). If that doesn’t work, then I recommend going for a toy that you can use together, like the Clit Flicker Cock Ring or the Silicone Triple Orgasm Cock Ring. He puts it on, and it keeps him hard while you both go at it. It has vibrations placed to stimulate your clit, so you feel all the thrills of a toy while you’re connecting with your man!
Larry’s Response:
Dear Deprived,
Well, the obvious answer is to ditch your toys – but I’m sure neither of you wants to do that. The problem, I believe, isn’t the toys, but how your sexuality has changed over the last 10 years. In the early part of the relationship raw passion and lust fueled your naughty moments. After nearly 10 years, you have grown accustomed to each other’s bodies, responses, and reactions, and more sophisticated in how you cater to them. You also are dealing with the fact that people’s level and focus of interest in their sex lives changes over time. While you were off finding your sexual peak recently, he was becoming less interested in the raw caveman satiation of primal lusts and more interested in your emotional and physical responses to powerful, toy-induced orgasm. He might be hiding some mid-life insecurities, too. Your best bet to help wean him back onto a steady diet of intercourse is to surprise him with sex in places where there aren’t any toys around – a walk in the woods, a trip out to the barn, a blowjob in a parking garage, a quickie in your sister’s closet, you get the picture. He’s likely so fascinated with the potent physical response you’re getting with the toys (and perhaps feeling a trifle inadequate) that a re-affirmation of his more primitive side might be in order.
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DescriptionEgg vibrator’s too strong for newcomers to handle!
Vibrator’s jack-pin design lets you swap sex toys & controllers!
Small enough to slip inside your purse, the Pink Bunny Egg Vibrator is strong enough to knock your socks off and a few fillings too!
• Vibrator’s 1-inch long rabbit ears tickle and tease your clit
• Much stronger motor than the average vibrator
• Pick from 4 different vibrator speedsBullet vibrator measures 4 inches long and 1.5 inches wide
• Sex toy requires 2 AA batteries, sold separately
Brand: Topco
Colors: Clear
Function: Multiple Speeds
Gender: Female
Length: 4.0 inches
Material: Jelly
Width: 1.50 inches
Click Here To Read More
Avg. Rating:  |
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Tell us what you think of the Best Buy Bunny Vibrator Email us at newsletter@adameve.com
Feels Real -- Only Better! |
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The realistic shape and veins of this vibrator feel like the real thing -- but the powerful vibrations and clit bunny make all the difference! Just a push of the buttons at the base give you 10 functions of vibration, pulsation and escalation! The bunny clit stimulator will drive your love nub wild with its vibrating ears and nose! Waterproof for wet fun! 7” x 1.5”. Purple jelly. Uses 2 AA batteries (sold separately).
Brand: Cal Exotics
Colors: Purple
Function: Waterproof, Clitoral stimulator, Multiple Vibrations
Gender: Female
Length: 7.0 inches
Material: Jelly
Width: 1.50 inches
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Recycle Your Old Catalogs |
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Did you know that you can recycle the catalogs and letters you receive in the mail?
From our famous mail-order catalog to that IRS audit letter, the majority of mail you receive is 100% recyclable.
Adam & Eve recently started working with the Direct Marketing Association to increase recycling awareness. Just look for the special “Recycle Please” logo on catalogs and other letters you receive in the mail and drop them off at your local recycling center after placing your order.
With your help, we'll significantly increase the recycling rate and help preserve forests and other natural treasures for future generations to enjoy. |
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Help us, Help you! |
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In our quest to be the best newsletter we can be on a low-budget, limited coffee breaks, and staff of typewriting monkeys, we need your help.
If you have any suggestions of things you'd like to see in the future, especially monthly features so we don't have to waste precious brain space trying to come up with semi-original ideas, then please email them to us at newsletter@adameve.com.
We promise to read your ideas carefully and thoroughly before making fun of the lamer ones and claiming the better ones as our own ideas. Seriously though, if you should proposition an idea that we end up using, we'll give you a shout-out plus a free annual subscription to the newsletter.
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