ARE YOU A BAD KISSER?
You can Ask Dr. Kat by emailing her at ask@drkat.com.

Dear Dr. Kat,

I've been told several times that I'm a bad kisser. I have good hygiene and I really enjoy kissing. What am I doing wrong?

Thanks,
Rob

Dear Rob,

Well, what people prefer in kissing can vary greatly. Some like more forceful kisses, some more gentle. However, it seems that everyone enjoys a little variety too. There is such a thing as "kissing chemistry" as well. It is said that the more someone kisses like you do, the more likely you'll find their kisses enjoyable. It is for this reason that I don't think that there is some formula for you to follow to be a better kisser. Maybe you're just kissing people who kiss differently from you. But there are some ways you might be able to be in the moment more...

My first suggestion is to not get overly into your own head. I know this is difficult to do, especially when you are now worried about how you are kissing. But do whatever you can to stop that internal tape from droning on and on about how well you aren't kissing. Focus instead on your breathing, the smell of your partner, the way their skin and lips feel. Do whatever you can to bring yourself back to the present moment.

Start slow. Feel the person out. Pay attention to how your energy is mixing. There may be times when passionate high energy kissing is appropriate but especially when you don't know your kissing partner well, it's helpful to take your time. Start with smaller kisses and allow yourselves to build on them. You'll soon find that you both establish a flow.

As you get more comfortable begin to mix things up a bit. A small nibble to the lip, suck the tongue gently in between kisses. Don't forget to veer off the lips to other parts of the body. Everyone knows how delightful it is to have their ears and necks kissed and nibbled but how about the back of the ear and the wrists? You can also use your hands to cradle your partner's head, slightly massage their neck or even better eventually work your way into some heavy petting.

Much of kissing involves, staying present moment and feeling out a partner for what's appropriate. Developing some sort of technique from there isn't necessarily required but The Kama Sutra (the 7,000 year old guide to Tantric sex) has several suggestions as well. So, if you want to branch out there are many opportunities.

Sincerely,
Dr. Kat

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Candidly Speaking
by Candida Royalle
© Femme Productions ®

The Debate about What Gets Women Off continues!
Last week the internet was abuzz with the latest research on how women have orgasms. "Experts" have now decided that there is such a thing as a "vaginal orgasm", and it is distinctly different from a "clitoral orgasm". A professor at Rutger's University even went so far as to show a video of a woman's brain during orgasm. (He found that different areas of the brain are activated depending on where a woman is stimulating herself.)

French gynecologist Odile Buisson disagrees with this new theory, pointing out that the clitoris can't be separated from the vagina, so therefore neither can the two types of orgasm. She believes that a vaginal orgasm is just a clitoral orgasm achieved through slightly different means.

Rutgers emeritus, Beverly Whipple (who first introduced us to the G spot orgasm in her ground-breaking book, "The G Spot and Other Discoveries about Human Sexuality"), goes on to say that that the "G-region" (since the G spot is no longer considered to be a distinct spot) is different in each woman. "Orgasm in women is in the brain", she writes. "It is felt in many body regions, and it can be stimulated from many regions as well as from imagery alone." (Yes, the myth that women are not excited by visuals has finally been debunked!)

So what does this mean for women? Not a whole heck of a lot! I should think we would know by now that we are all uniquely different in terms of what we like, and what we need to have an orgasm. I'm all for learning as much as we can about sexuality, but the downside has always been that every time some new research comes out that tells us how we get off, women feel pressured to live up to this new, better, hotter way to achieve the almighty orgasm. And incredibly, the letters still pour in from women everywhere claiming utter frustration and feelings of inadequacy because they can't have a "vaginal orgasm". And I still find myself passing on what Shire Hite first reported in the '60's: an estimated 75% of women do not have orgasms through intercourse alone.

Emmanuele Jannini, a professor of endocrinology at the University of Aquila, puts it perfectly: "Looking for the G-spot orgasm or the vaginal orgasm as a need, as a duty, is the best way to lose the happiness of sex." Indeed! I always say, what ever gets you off is just fine. The important thing is that you're enjoying yourself! So let the "experts", have their fun analyzing what makes women tick - or, in this case, explode in ecstasy! As long as you're happy, who cares what body part gets you there!

Candida Royalle is a former star of the blue movie screen who in 1984 created Femme Productions® and pioneered the genre of woman-friendly adult erotica. In 1999, she launched the Euro-designed Natural Contours® line of high-style discreet intimate products. She's the author of How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do: Sex Advice From a Woman who Knows; and a sought after speaker on topics ranging from how to have great sex to the politics of free expression. Royalle's product lines are available through AdamEve.com. For more information about Candida Royalle, visit www.candidaroyalle.com.

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Racy Photo Time
Amongst other things, it turns out that May is also National Photograph Month. This makes it the perfect time for creating a special series of racy pics for your partner, also known as boudoir photographs. There are a number of professionals who actually specialize in this area, complete with romantic backdrops and a number of sexy costumes, lingerie and accessories for you to use. But those sessions can cost hundreds of dollars, and it's not really that hard to do on your own as long as you have a trusted friend. Or you can offer to handle the camera for their own boudoir photographs so you both have blackmail material on each other!

Start by getting a few normal shots of you in something your partner's complimented you on before - whether it's a power suit or a dress - just around your house. Slowly strip for the camera, being sure that your helpful photographer takes multiple shots from a variety of angles. You can always delete the ones that you don't like afterwards. From there, you should experiment with costumes and a new piece of lingerie or two in different settings. Wear just an apron and high heels in the kitchen. Smear grease over your chest and legs while working in the garage. Try a few shots in your backyard while working on your garden or mowing the grass. Or if you feeling really adventurous, maybe even strike a few poses around town in different places - just keep an eye peeled for the cops or an audience!

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