(continued)

Savvy Sex Questions with Dr. Jenni:

Dear Dr. Jenni,

My boyfriend recently told me that all his past girlfriends had G-spot orgasms from intercourse. I have awesome orgasms with my clit, but for the life of me I can't seem to find my G-spot. I've done Internet research, but still feel lost and inadequate compared to his previous partners. How do I find this spot?

--Self-Conscious G-Spot Gal

Dear Self Conscious,

Comparisons are the fastest way to unhappiness! So, please stop comparing yourself to other women. I encourage you to celebrate your clitoris and other hot spots — without a goal that you need to be like your boyfriend's past girlfriends.

That said, here's the skinny on locating the G-spot. Anatomically, the Grafenberg spot (G-spot) is a sensitive area just behind the front wall of the vagina. Located one to two inches from the opening of the vagina, it is an area the size of a dime to quarter, located next to the urethra. Some experts claim that it's better described as an erogenous zone rather than a specific anatomical structure. However, many women do not experience orgasmic bliss from the G-spot. Up to 75% of women need clitoral stimulation for orgasm.

If you want to explore the G-spot area, budget lots of time for arousal and foreplay, and include simultaneous clitoral stimulation. You can use your fingers, his fingers, or toys made just for G-spot pleasure. Most of all, have fun exploring!

Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, CST
The Intimacy Institute
Sex and Relationship Therapy
www.TheIntimacyInstitute.org
(720) 331-3354

Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMFT, CST is an AASECT certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist. Dr. Jenni originally pursued a career in sex therapy so to advance her mission for giving all people permission for pleasure by promoting sexual health and healing.

Dr. Jenni lives in Boulder, Colorado where she founded The Intimacy Institute for Sex & Relationship Therapy. She co-directs the clinic with her husband Daniel, also a sex therapist. Before moving to Boulder, Dr. Jenni served as a sexual health scholar at the Center of Excellence for Sexual Health (CESH) under the leadership of 16th U.S. Surgeon General.

When not working, you can find Dr. Jenni spending time with husband, their two young sons, and their backyard chickens. Dr. Jenni is passionate about all the World Health Organization (WHO) pillars of health, and therefore maintains a strong self-care practice that includes Crossfit, swimming, and slow walks in nature.

My Sexy Island Adventure (continued)

Throughout our marriage, I had never taken a solo vacation. My husband Brad and I were happily married swingers who, until now, had shared all our adventures. But back then, we'd found ourselves stuck in a major rut. Brad's busy season at work was well underway meaning I barely saw him, I was fielding a major project at my own job, and a rough winter storm had flooded our basement, necessitating some major repair and renovation which I had to manage. When we did have five minutes for each other, we seemed to be irritated and snappish. Brad seemed unable to stop himself from criticizing all my decisions, and I (almost always) responded in kind. And our sex life? It became 'what sex life?'

Consciously I knew Brad and I were both stressed, but even when the last of the contractors had wrapped up and I'd shaken hands with the big project's buyer on a job well done, I still felt coiled like a spring. I needed some time apart from the job, the house, the snappy husband.

That was when I saw an ad online. 'Come to Paradise,' it suggested. I clicked on it. 'Visit the Bahamas.' And attached, there was a site advertising for a private adults-only resort and casino. (Author's note: unfortunately, the resort has since been purchased by a more family-friendly company.) I scrolled through the images on the site: the beach looked clean and beautiful, the ocean warm and inviting. One showed a woman about my age sprawled out on a lounge chair, the sun kissing her tanned skin, a smile on her face. I searched other sites for reviews; they came up overwhelmingly positive. The prices? Surprisingly affordable, especially since the renovations had come in under budget.

I shivered in my bulky sweater. A few clicks, and I'd booked a last-minute deal -- complete with a plane ticket and all-inclusive room. Then I just had to tell Brad.

"Unwind?" I suggested. "I haven't been the world's best company either."

He kissed me fondly. "You go. And have fun," Brad said, a glint in his eye. "Just promise you'll tell me all about it."

I'd never been to the Bahamas before. Halfway through the flight, we left land behind and the deep, blue ocean spread out underneath us. Until finally, light blue water and pale white sandbars broke up the scenery. We flew into an airport that was smaller than the mega-airports I was used to. It was surrounded by palm trees. I picked up my suitcase at the baggage carousel and made my way toward the shuttles along with the rest of the fresh crop of tourists, many of us winter-pale and a few still in long pants.

One of the most well-built men I've ever seen, a gorgeous local wearing a nametag that read Kendall. He had a lilting accent and muscles that strained the limits of his tight button-up shirt. And he held a sign for my resort. He must've said hello, but I could only stare dumbly at his muscles and his nametag as he helped me with my bag. After a few more tourists arrived, two single men and a handsy younger married couple that looked like they might be on their honeymoon, we set off on a coastal drive to our destination.

The resort was a little smaller than I'd expected, but the bright décor, balmy air, and scent of the beach made something tight between my shoulder blades loosen. Walking through the lobby and getting a glimpse of my fellow tourists and the workers, I was struck by just how many attractive people there were here. And how relaxed so many of them looked. Someone handed me a 'special signature cocktail' that tasted fruity and sweet. The bellhop got me and my bag to the room as I sipped. I slipped him a tip, thanked him, and pulled back the drapes.

I was dazzled by a straight-on view of an enormous pool, complete with waterfall. Beyond that was a pristine beach with sparkling white sand, turquoise waters, and little thatched huts with beach chairs under which people sat sipping cool drinks. In the distance, players on steel drums picked out the notes to the old song 'Hot! Hot! Hot!' A little cheesy, maybe, but it felt like a good omen.

I bypassed the pool and went straight for the beach. The clear water was wonderful to swim in, to float in. As gentle waves rolled over me, every care disappeared. I felt like I was unwinding.

After I'd soaked up enough sun for the moment, I sat in a lounge chair drinking 'Sky Juice.' It was full of coconut and rum and it was pure heaven in a glass. I made a moaning noise, and was startled at a low, throaty laugh nearby. I looked over, and it was as if an electric current had passed through me. The driver, from before, Kendall. A second look let me appreciate how tall and muscular this dark-skinned daydream of a man was. Brad was a runner, not a lifter. But this man? Oh, he could pick me up and toss me around like nothing. He held a clipboard. "Hello again, Miss Sheppard. Enjoying yourself so far?"

A wave of lust broke over me, this one much more powerful than the ones in the calm ocean. I felt like a giddy teenager with a crush. "Yes. Yes, I sure am. Mr. Kendall. Sir," I said. This was about the time I poked myself in the cheek with the Sky Juice's straw. I chased it with my lips for a minute before I found it again and sipped. "Ahh," I sighed. "This is already the best vacation I've ever been on."

"I am very glad to hear that," Kendall said.

And though I logically knew he must be answering for the resort, it really felt like he meant it personally.

"Good advice," I told him, and sipped some more. I eyed the clipboard in his hand. "Did I miss signing something? Is there a problem?"

"No. Earlier I was covering for the regular shuttle driver. My main job here is to make people happy," Kendall explained, hitching up the legs of his chinos as he sat down on the lounge chair next to me.

I nodded. "I am sure you make lots of people happy."

"I try." He flashed me a brilliantly white smile.

Guh, I thought.

"I'm running a snorkeling excursion tomorrow morning, and we have room for one more. I spotted you over here and thought I might ask if you'd like to join us."

YES, I thought. But then I remembered something. "I like to swim. Just, only when my feet can touch the water. I think I'd be too nervous in deep water," I admitted.

He looked thoughtful. "Tell you what. I am the best teacher on the island. You come with us tomorrow. You will not have to do anything you're not comfortable with. And I guarantee the boat ride alone is worth the price of admission." He flashed me another wide grin. "Which is nothing; it's included in the cost of your stay here."

"Oh. Well. In that case." It wasn't like I had anything else planned. "Sign me up." I gave Kendall a jaunty salute and inwardly cringed at my own lack of smoothness. Also, I bet this guy could snap his fingers and have his boat ride's last spot filled by anyone at the resort.

Kendall wrote my name on his clipboard. Or maybe 'delusional single lady.' But his smile felt genuine. "Excellent. I will see you at the dock tomorrow morning."

I could've sent Brad a message. But I didn't.

The next morning there I was, in my red one-piece swimsuit and a gauzy cover-up to ward off what little remained of the morning chill. There were only about ten other early-morning excursion-ers, including the two single men and the handsy couple from the shuttle. Only as we talked, I discovered the two single men were actually together and on their anniversary trip, and the handsy couple had literally just met the day before on the flight out.

The motor boat was immaculate and sturdy, and Kendall handled it with easy grace. We rode the waves fast and hard, and I held onto the side of the boat and whooped with joy. After about 20 minutes he stopped in front of a small uninhabited island. Then he handed everyone flippers and snorkels. The others knew what they were doing, and quickly slipped overboard to begin their adventure.

I looked into the easily over-my-head deep water. "I'll just stay here and enjoy the view."

"Put these on while you're viewing, then," Kendall said, and helped me into a life jacket and flippers. Then he gave me a float that attached in front of me. "Hold onto this." His fingers brushed mine.

My heart raced, both from fear and his closeness. "I feel like I'm about to walk the plank."

"Don't be silly," he said. "We have a ladder."

I took a deep breath and nodded. Kendall helped me over the side carefully, and eased into the water beside me.

After he demonstrated how to use the snorkel gear, I followed everyone's lead and dipped my face in the water. Amazing! There was another world down there— glorious fish of every brilliant color and shape, undulating living coral, starfish, seaweed. I lost track of time, lost self-consciousness, and even started to have fun.

Suddenly I felt presence behind me, and yelped into my snorkel before I realized it was Kendall. I raised my head and face mask and smiled at him. "You scared me!" I gasped. "I thought you were a shark," I said. Everyone around us had spread out, snorkeling mostly in pairs as they pointed out the sights below.

He tasted like sea water and desire and I ached for him to pin me down with the weight of his body back in my hotel room, to unleash all that strength and fuck me until I couldn't see straight.

A shout made him break off. Kendall looked as dazed as I felt, but immediately he swam over to play referee to the handsy couple, who had already started fighting.

I couldn't concentrate on the fish. Not anymore.

When we got back, I lingered until the others had left and thanked Kendall.

He leaned in close. "You know, I do take special guests of the resort out on one-on-one excursions."

"Oh?" My pulse raced. "How much does that cost?" After I said it, I could've kicked myself. "I was trying to be flirty, I didn't mean--"

But Kendall only smirked. "It's not included. But it also isn't something you can pay for. Would you be available in an hour?"

One word answers only, I vowed. "Yes."

I rushed to the room and carefully showered and changed. A moment of doubt hit me. I didn't know this guy. This gorgeous, unbelievably sex guy. Who wanted to get me out alone on his boat. And what would Brad say when he found out?

I checked my phone. I had a message from Brad.

Hope you're having fun, it said.

I went back to the dock.

As he steered the boat away from the resort, Kendall handed me a cold drink from a cooler. "Just so you know. I don't usually do this."

I sat in one of the seats nearby. I wasn't sure I cared if he did. "Neither do I."

He glanced at me, and down at my hand.

A tan line hinted that I usually wore my wedding ring. "He knows, if that makes a difference to you. He told me to go and have fun."

I scooted forward on the boat's seat, propped my right foot up next to me, and drew aside the crotch of my bathing suit, revealing my bare pussy lips.

"Show me how you touch yourself," he said.

My fingers slid down to my clit. I spread open my lips and teased him with glimpses of more as I rubbed myself. I didn't need the extra attention, to be honest, I'd been at a low buzz of arousal since I'd seen him, and now it felt at a fever pitch.

I thought he might go down on me, but for long moments he just watched, drinking in every movement from only inches away. And then he leaned back, pushed down his tight shorts, and revealed the biggest, hardest cock I'd ever seen.

I closed the distance between us and kissed Kendall full on the lips. He started off warm and gentle, but his tongue quickly became a demanding presence, plunging into my mouth. His roving hands pulled down my bathing suit, exposing my now rigid nipples, and his tongue found and teased them each in turn.

Abruptly he stood up and stepped out of his shorts. I took the opportunity to lean in and taste his enormous cock. God, he was huge! His hardness slid between my lips and he began to moan and rock his way deeper and deeper into my mouth. I wanted to take every inch of him in my mouth, make him come down my throat. But I also wanted him to fuck my pussy so badly. My lips released him and I begged. "Fuck me, Kendall."

I moved my hips up to meet his thrusts, totally shameless in my excitement, and he pumped in and out like a piston, his handsome face contorted in concentration. I held on to his impossibly strong arms, marveling at the grace and power in his beautiful body, and I wanted what we were doing together to last forever. I begged him, "Don't stop, don't ever stop!"

But that's a promise neither of us could've kept. Kendall had been studying me as I touched myself, because his fingers found the hot button of my clit and he rubbed me as he fucked me until my legs shook and the world whited out and I came harder and longer than I had in years. Then with a loud grunt, Kendall thrust deep inside me and came himself. He collapsed on top of me and I held onto him for a few minutes, until breathing and the condom forced us apart.

We rode back in companionable silence. He only asked me one question as we reached the dock.

"How many nights are you staying?"

That night, I sent a message back to Brad: "Having so much fun. Learning to snorkel! I will tell you all about it when I get back."

And I did tell him. About all six nights of fun.