Scissoring Spoon

The spooning sex position has both partners lying on their sides, facing the same direction, with one partner positioned behind the other. Because the position is similar to cuddling, it can feel familiar and relaxed, with both partners supported by the bed rather than having to hold up their own weight.

The partner in back is commonly called the big spoon, while the partner in front is the little spoon. These terms don't depend on gender, body type, height, or sexual orientation. Spooning can work for many couples and doesn't require a penis; penetration can involve a penis, strap-on, fingers, or a sex toy, depending on the partners.

This guide focuses on the crossed-leg spoon variation. To get into position, the big spoon lies behind the little spoon, with one arm positioned under their partner's neck. The little spoon raises one leg, allowing the big spoon to move one leg through the opening so the partners' legs interlock.

One of the main advantages of spooning is the closeness it creates. Both partners can stay comfortably supported while keeping their hands free for additional touch, making it an adaptable position for couples who want a slower, more intimate experience.There's one tradeoff worth knowing up front, which is that the basic setup is shallow and isn't built for fast, deep thrusting. That part is adjustable, and the next section covers exactly how. And if side by side isn't quite what you're after, the sex positions library has plenty of other places to start.

Getting the alignment right is usually the key to making spooning comfortable. Take your time with the setup, especially if there's a significant difference in height between you.

Start side by side. Both partners lie on their sides facing the same direction, with one partner positioned behind the other.Line up your hips. The partner behind can scoot up or down until their hips are comfortably aligned with their partner's pelvis. If needed, the partner in front can bend their knees to help find a comfortable position.Adjust the front partner's legs. Drawing the knees slightly toward the chest can change the angle and make penetration more comfortable.Find a comfortable position for the lower arm. The partner in front can place their bottom arm under the pillow, above their head, or wherever it feels comfortable. Avoid leaving it trapped underneath the body.Start slowly. Smaller movements can make it easier to maintain alignment. If the partners move out of position, pause and adjust rather than trying to force the movement.

Adjusting the Angle

Small changes in hip and leg position can make a noticeable difference. The partner in front can tilt the pelvis or adjust the position of their top leg to change the angle and depth. Communicate with each other and make adjustments based on what feels comfortable.

Pillows can also help. Try placing one under the front partner's hips for additional support, or between the knees if the hips or lower back need more room. If the position becomes uncomfortable or the alignment shifts, pause, reposition, and start again.

Once the basic spoon feels easy, the variations are mostly small changes in how the legs and torsos sit. Each one changes the angle, the depth, or how much of each other you can see, so it is worth trying two or three before you decide what you like best.

• The crossed-leg spoon. The legs interlock rather than stacking, in a version sometimes nicknamed the dirty spoon or forking. It's the setup described above, and the interlocked legs help hold the two of you in place.
• The spork. The little spoon rolls partly onto their back and raises the near leg. That twist through the torso opens the angle more than the standard spoon does, and it lets you see each other's faces.
• The face-to-face spoon, sometimes called the reverse scoop. You turn to face each other on your sides with your legs intertwined. This one trades depth for eye contact and kissing, which can feel more intimate even though it doesn't go as deep.
• The seated spoon and the side-lying 69. Both keep the side-by-side closeness while changing what each of you can reach.

You can also simply swap who is in front. Big spoon and little spoon are interchangeable rather than fixed roles, and trading places partway through changes the whole feel of the evening.

One clarification is worth making, because the word sends people two different places. Scissoring in its own right is a separate act, also called tribbing, where partners face each other with their legs crossed and their genitals in contact, and it can involve any gender or genital configuration. On this page, the crossed-leg spoon borrows the scissor shape of the legs, not that meaning. Both are real, and neither is the wrong use of the word.

Spooning also comes up often as a starting point for anal penetration, because the angle is shallow, the pace is naturally slow, and the person in front controls how deep things go. If that's where you're headed, use far more lubricant than you think you need, start gradually, and let the receiving partner set the depth and the pace throughout. Anal lubricants are made thicker and longer-lasting than standard water-based formulas for exactly this reason, and anal toys give you a way to work up to it at whatever pace suits you. If you'd rather stay with rear-entry angles you already know, lazy doggy is a close cousin with a similar low-effort feel.

This position asks very little of either body, which is part of why people keep it in regular rotation. Neither of you carries your own weight, nothing has to be held up, and nobody is balancing. That makes it a comfortable option when longer or more physically demanding positions don't feel good, when energy is low, or when you want something that can last a while without anyone's arms giving out.

Three adjustments do most of the comfort work. A pillow between the knees takes the strain off stacked hips, a pillow under the little spoon's hips changes the angle and the pressure at the same time, and moving the underneath arm out of the way at the start heads off the pins and needles that can end an otherwise good position early. Lubricant can help reduce friction and chafing, particularly during longer sessions. If things start to feel dry, add more rather than continuing through discomfort.

Spooning leaves you close together, which can make it easy to communicate throughout. Talk to each other about pace, angle, pressure, and anything you'd like to change. Either partner can pause, adjust, slow down, or stop at any time.

Pay attention to discomfort rather than trying to push through it. If something hurts, pause and reposition or stop. If pain continues or happens repeatedly, consider talking with a healthcare professional.

Spooning and Back Pain

Spooning may be comfortable for some people with back pain, but it isn't automatically the best position for everyone. Research from the University of Waterloo's findings in the European Spine Journal found that comfort can depend on which movements aggravate a person's pain. In the study, spooning was associated with less spinal flexion, while other positions may be more comfortable for people who experience pain when arching their back.

If you have ongoing back pain, pay attention to which movements feel comfortable rather than assuming one position will work for everyone. Stop if a position causes pain, and talk with a healthcare professional if your pain is persistent or worsening.

Spooning During Pregnancy

Side-lying positions can be comfortable during pregnancy because they don't put the same pressure on the abdomen as some other positions. For most people with an uncomplicated pregnancy, sex is generally considered safe unless their healthcare provider has advised otherwise.

Pregnancy-related complications can change that guidance. If you've been told to avoid sex because of a condition such as placenta previa or a risk of preterm labor, follow your healthcare provider's advice.

Comfort is the best guide as pregnancy progresses. Use pillows for support and adjust the position as needed. Contact your healthcare provider about heavy bleeding, severe or persistent cramping, or other symptoms that concern you.

If You Keep Losing Alignment

If the partners keep slipping out of position, start by checking the alignment of the hips. The partner behind may need to move slightly up or down so the pelvises line up comfortably.

A pillow under the front partner's hips can provide additional support and change the angle. Smaller, slower movements can also help maintain alignment. If the position continues to feel unstable or uncomfortable, pause and reposition rather than trying to force it.

Two things make this position noticeably better, and both are easy to keep on hand. Start with lubricant, since slow, sustained contact is exactly the situation where friction turns up, and water-based lubricants are the versatile pick because they rinse off easily and work with toy materials. Keep the bottle within reach before you settle in, because stretching across the bed mid-position is how good alignment gets lost.

Then put those free hands to work. This is one of the few positions where both of you can touch during penetration, and a small toy fits between two bodies without either of you giving that up. Bullet vibrators are compact enough for the narrow space you have, clitoral vibrators add stimulation where this angle doesn't reach on its own, and strap-ons make the whole position available to partners of any anatomy. When you're ready to pick something out together, browse couples sex toys at Adam & Eve and choose what sounds good to both of you. A toy cleaner keeps whatever you choose ready for next time.