We’ve all got our sexual hang-ups and secrets. Things that we’ve just never talked about with our partner for whatever reason. Here are a few tips to help you open up more about sex and encourage your partner to do the same.
Don’t Push or Pressure Them
It’s important to let your partner open up at their own pace. Just because you want to have a frank discussion about sex, doesn’t mean that they’re ready for that or even comfortable with it. Pushing or pressuring them to do so before they’re ready makes it more likely for your partner to shut down completely or not engage in a meaningful conversation with you.
Avoid Generalities & Focus On Specifics
When you’re trying to get someone who’s naturally shy to talk about a subject they’re not comfortable with, open-ended questions like “What are your fantasies?” are your enemy. These questions are way too broad with way too many possible answers – making them a potential minefield for anyone worried about answering them the wrong way.
Instead, you should focus on more specific questions – especially ones that involve you sharing your fantasies as well. As an example, you could mention: “I had a dream last night where we had a threesome with (insert the name of someone you both know or a celebrity you both like). Have you ever had a dream like that? Have you ever fantasized about trying that?”
Take Turns Sharing
Remember that communication is a two-way street. While you might be encouraging your partner to open up, it’s important for you to do the same. You can help move things along by going first – especially if you’ve got something potentially unusual, embarrassing, or even funny to share. This serves as an icebreaker to help get things started.
Keep an Open Mind
One of the most common reasons for not opening up is fear of being judged. All too many people associate even basic sexual acts with shame, let alone anything that might be considered “kinky” or “unusual.” No matter what you or your partner talk about it, it’s important to listen to them patiently and curiously. Let them explain at their own pace, while paying close attention to them. Lean forward, ask questions, and even hold their hand for support if needed. These active listening skills will help give them the courage to share their desires, so you and your lover can have a more passionate and enjoyable sex life.