The human body is an astonishing wonderland of potential pleasure. It’s filled with highly sensitive nerves from your head down to your toes. Of course, some of those nerves are better suited for sexual stimulation than others. These sexual nerves naturally cluster in special spots known as erogenous zones.
There are a few major erogenous zones most people have in common. However, erogenous zones differ from person to person. Some like having their ear lobes teased, others prefer nipple play, and some might go nuts for toe sucking. People's interests range from light teasing and touching, to harder contact like spanking or scratching. There are some of us, like certain sex therapists, who even consider the whole body one big erogenous opportunity!
Before jumping into bed with anyone, you should know about their erogenous zones as well as your own.
The Clitoris
When it comes to erogenous zones, most people automatically think of the clitoris (aka the clit). This tiny little love nub is one of the most sensitive spots on the human body. Many women can’t have an orgasm without at least a little clitoral stimulation.
It's common when beginning your sexual journey to fear the clit as some secret buried treasure that’s virtually impossible to uncover. On the contrary, the head of the clit can be extremely easy to find, provided you know where to look. The clit is extra special in that it actually extends up to five inches inside the vagina and pelvic floor of the body.
Whether you are looking for your own clit or someone else's, start lying on your back in bed. From here, the woman can butterfly her legs open and start to feel for the little nub positioned slightly above the vaginal opening. Some women looking for their own clit even like using a hand mirror to check it out. The tricky part is that clits come in a variety of shapes and sizes — from 0.1-1.4 inches long and up to 0.4 inches wide. If your partner has a prominent clit that’s easy to spot, then you’re in luck. If they’ve got a smaller clit, then it often can be hidden or at least partially covered by a small fleshy area known as the clitoral hood. A little foreplay is just what you need for the clit to pop out of the hood and join the party.
Stimulating the clit is pretty simple if you follow these three ground rules:
- Don't jump right to it. This sensitive area has 8,000 nerve endings, which means it can be overloaded easily. Tease the tissue around the clit before going in for the landing.
- Apply the “Three S's”—Soft, Subtle, and Slow. Compare this to touching the tip of an eraser head just so softly. That's how you want to start with the clit. From there you can apply more pressure and speed as your partner directs you and/or gets more aroused.
- Use lube (or saliva). Moisture helps the finger flow! You can moisten a finger or two before rubbing around and on the clit. Many women prefer the feel of a tongue though. Feel free to jump ahead to Chapter 8 about oral sex if you want to learn some great techniques for going down on the clit.
In the early stages of your relationship, you might be less familiar with each other’s bodies. Don't be shy; ask your lover to show you how they like to be touched since everyone has different preferences. The learning and the mastery will result in more fun for both of you!
There are a lot of clit toys out there, and I recommend the Satisfyer Breathless, only available at Adam & Eve. This revolutionary toy combines Satisfyer’s award-winning air-pulsation technology with Adam & Eve’s extensive vibrator knowledge to recreate some of the same sensations you experience during oral sex!
The G-Spot
The G-Spot is an incredible erogenous zone, for some women. Not all women enjoy the G-Spot or know where it is. Honestly, it can be hard to find! Thankfully, we have detailed directions to help you uncover this buried treasure.
The G-Spot is located about two inches inside the vagina, along the top wall if she’s lying on her back. It’s fairly small with a rough and slightly spongy feel compared to the rest of the vagina. Here are three simple steps for finding the G-Spot:
- Start off with some foreplay. This increases blood flow to the vagina, cultivating arousal and easier access to slide a finger inside and explore.
- Insert a single finger about 2 inches deep (about your middle knuckle). The tip of the finger should curl upward pointing toward the stomach, like you are saying, “come hither.”
- Slowly move your fingertip in a swirling motion to explore the area that feels firmer and rougher than the rest of the vagina. (Some compare it to the roof of your mouth.) Start with small circles at first before making them larger and larger until you find it. Since the G-Spot presses against the bladder, it's common for stimulation to create a sensation of needing to urinate.
If the finger doesn’t work, another option is the basic G-Spot vibe. These sex toys are specially shaped to reach the G-Spot, and their extra-large tips cover a lot more surface area than just a finger.
If you’re looking for a no-frills G-Spot vibe that’s stood the test of time, then check out the G-Gasm Delight. Adam & Eve has sold this vibe for over a decade, leading to countless orgasms. The angled shaft and enlarged tip make your G-Spot easy to find. The vibrating motor is located inside the tip for maximum power and pleasure. Many women report enjoying a body-shaking G-Spot orgasm from this remarkable toy!
However you explore the G-Spot, enjoy it with various methods of stimulation — from side to side rubbing to circular motions to more of a stroking or petting. No one G-Spot likes the same thing.
The Penis
For men, the penis is their most prominent erogenous zone. It can be pretty hard (pun intended) to miss! If you sat through even basic sex ed, you know that the penis starts off flaccid. Sexual arousal causes blood to flow to the penis, leading to an erection.
The head or glans is the most sensitive area of the penis. It’s packed with 4,000 nerve endings, making it ripe for stimulation. A pair of soft, wet lips and tongue can feel like heaven, but there’s more about that in the oral sex chapter coming up.
Odds are pretty good that you already know what to do with an erect penis.
Some men are circumcised, and some are not. For those who are not, the extra foreskin can act like a lube substitute and allow for easy stroking. For those who are circumcised, it's a good idea to grab a good lube to avoid chaffing. Adam & Eve sells great lubes. If you don't have a good lube handy, consider using coconut oil or even saliva.
Once you have an accessible lubricant of choice, engage the penis in long, slow strokes to create a slow and sexy build-up of arousal and pleasure. When you have a solid erection, consider playing with different kinds of strokes. You could also switch hands or use both of them.
While it’s easy to focus on just the tip, there are plenty of other sensitive spots on the penis. One of the most noteworthy is the frenulum. This is a V-shaped area on the lower half of the penis connecting the tip to the shaft. The frenulum is why guys like getting the lower half of their shaft licked so much!
Want to add some more fun? Grab those testicles, lightly, as if you are gently cradling and jiggling them. When you are ready to cease teasing and bring him to orgasm, return to the shaft for the faster and tighter stimulation.
When you’re looking for a penis toy, most people automatically think about the Fleshlight. This classic stroker has been around for years, and it’s known around the world for its discreet design and stimulating suction. There are a lot of different Fleshlights to pick from, but I think the Fleshlight Go: Surge is the best. It’s a little shorter than the original Fleshlight with stronger suction and a better textured interior for more stimulation.
The Prostate
The male version of the G-Spot, the prostate, can deliver amazingly strong and intense orgasms. Unfortunately, many men aren’t comfortable with prostate stimulation because it requires anal penetration for maximum impact. The psychological discomfort around anal often stems from an outdated social narrative that says men shouldn’t have backdoor penetration, particularly straight men. The other potential source of discomfort is the lack of physical familiarity with backdoor play. (See Chapter 10 on accessing all possible pleasure from the anus).
If your partner’s not quite ready for full-blown prostate stimulation, you can try introducing them to the perineum or “taint” instead. This is the area between the base of his shaft and the anus. Pressing firmly against this area with a kneading or rocking motion allows you to stimulate the prostate indirectly. It’s not quite as effective as direct contact, but it's a great stepping stone that can offer your guy lots of pleasure.
Stimulating the prostate is very similar to the G-Spot. Its location does require a little extra preparation though.
The following steps can be done alone or with a partner:- Hit the bathroom, just in case you need to have a bowel movement first or double check for extra cleanliness. Then wash your anal area with soap and warm water to make sure you’re squeaky clean. (It relaxes your muscles a little too.)
- Play with the penis. This is to ensure there is full arousal. Being aroused helps psychological and physiological readiness to open and receive.
- Apply a little lube to both your finger and the backdoor. You can slowly work your finger inside. (Make sure those fingernails are trimmed back nice and neat before trying this.)
- Slowly insert a curved finger about 2 inches inside. The tip of the finger should point towards the stomach.
- Move the finger in a small, circular pattern while searching for a walnut-shaped bump.
If you’re having problems finding the prostate, trying using a small prostate vibe instead. These anal-friendly toys are specially shaped to make it easy to find and even easier to stimulate. The vibrations can help your rear relax too, making them easier to insert and more enjoyable as well.
The Waterproof Prostate Massager is one of Adam & Eve’s most popular prostate toys. They’ve sold over 150,000 of these bad boys! The tip is specially shaped to help find your prostate while concentrating vibrations directly on it for more intense thrills. The shaft is extra-slender too, making it perfect for beginners to anal penetration. Since the vibe is completely waterproof and made from non-porous ABS plastic, you can practice in the shower, and it cleans up in a snap.
After finding the prostate, keep teasing it with your fingertip or toy. You can use the same circular motion or try stroking it instead, depending on which feels better. Some men can orgasm through prostate play alone, but most prefer combining it with penis stimulation for an extra-explosive climax.
The Vulva & Vagina
The vulva is the entire genital area that is home to the clitoris (aka the clit), the inner and outer labia (aka the lips), and the vagina. We have already talked about the clit. However, there are sensitive and excitable nerve endings throughout the entire vulva, including inside the vagina.
The vagina is a small, muscular tube that leads into the body. The pair of soft folds, called labia or lips, surround each side of the vagina. The vagina is a fascinating body part biologically speaking, and I could go on and on about everything it does. When it comes to sex; however, there are a few important things you need to know. The vagina produces a natural lubricant used by the body during sex, which is why it becomes slick or “wet.” Some women don't produce as much, and some produce more. I always encourage women to keep their favorite lubricant handy on the off chance that they are dehydrated that day or just need a little extra lube support.
Unlike the clit, the vagina requires some form of penetration for sexual stimulation – even if it’s a tongue, finger(s) or sex toy. Before penetration, it's super important to tend to and tease the entire vulva. I encourage setting aside 15-20 minutes for this process to really warm up the body and get the vagina hot and bothered, begging for penetration. To accomplish this, touch, tickle, lick, and play with the whole vulva. You can start with the top area (called the mons pubes) above the clitoris. Then move to the inner thighs as you approach the outer, then the inner lips. The opening of the vagina, called the introitus, is enormously sensitive for many women, and this could be an area to gently tease as well. And of course, don't forget to play with the clit. This hot button helps create a ton of arousal for a woman, really preparing her for penetration. Again, your goal is a hot and bothered vulva, so the vagina ends up well lubricated and ready for enjoyable penetration.
Last, but not least, the entire vagina is an erogenous zone. There is no one size fits all roadmap when it comes to the vagina (or the vulva for that matter). Therefore, communicate about what feels good in the moment. Maybe your woman wants one slow and shallow finger inside. Maybe she wants two fingers with deeper pressure and depth. Maybe she wants one of Adam & Eve's time-tested amazing toys, like the Velvet Kiss Vibrator. This multi-speed sex toy features a slender shaft that slips in easily, while powerful vibrations rock every inch of your kitty. It’s even waterproof for wet and wild fun in the shower too!
Another option is Adam’s True Feel Dildo which looks and feels surprisingly realistic to bring your fantasies to life. It bends and flexes for comfortable penetration and play. And it has a suction cup base for hands-off fun from cowgirl to doggy-style positions.
One of the biggest mistakes you can make during sex is to confuse the anus for the vagina. It’s surprisingly easy in the dark, especially if you don’t have a lot of experience or had too many drinks. The vagina has an oval shape and opens easily during foreplay and sex. The backdoor has a round, puckered shape. It’s much smaller as well. Unless you’ve been teasing it on purpose, the anus should be squeezed tight.
Other Erogenous Zones
The A-Spot is the G-Spot’s shy and less known little sister. You may have never heard of it before. It doesn’t help that the A-Spot (aka anterior fornix) is buried deep inside the vagina and even harder to find than the G. Fans of the A-Spot claim that it’s key for long-lasting orgasms… some lasting as long as 20 seconds. The research is still out on that, so you might have to do your own study to confirm or deny this.
If you want to test that out, you can find the A-Spot using the same basic technique you used on the G – just insert your finger about 4-5 inches deep. Move your finger in a slowly expanding circular motion until you find a slight bump that feels a little rough. Then start gently rubbing and stroking it, just like you would with the G-Spot. You can use your G-Spot vibe on your A-Spot if it has a long, slender shaft like the G-Gasm Delight.
The anus is loaded with sensitive nerves, making it fun for everyone. I suggest my clients start with a little finger teasing around the outer rim to help relax the sphincter before moving on to anal play. Check out Chapter 10 to learn more about stimulating this erogenous zone.
The butt cheeks are especially responsive to massage (especially kneading motions) and spanking. The Tantric Satin Pleasure Whip delivers a pleasant little sting, while adding a playfully kinky touch to your boudoir.
The nipples are another erogenous zone that's gender non-specific. We all have nipples! That said, male nipples often don’t get the attention that female nipples get. Many people like getting their nipples licked or sucked. Some prefer a little more intense stimulation, such as pinching or squeezing. If that’s the case for you or your lover, then I recommend grabbing a pair of nipple clamps like the First Time Fetish Nipple Teasers.
These clamps feature an adjustable tension screw so you can modify them from a slight squeeze to a hard pinch. The chain weighs the clamps down, causing them to tug on your nipples for extra stimulation. If you are into kinky thrills, this gives you or your lover something to pull on.
The perineum (more popularly known as the taint) is another gender non-specific erogenous zone. This is the small area located between the anus and the genitals. Some people like this area to be gently tickled, while others enjoy more firm rubbing. Perineum stimulation is especially effective on men, since it can indirectly target their prostate.
Last, but not least, are the scrotum and testicles. They’ve got a lot of pleasure potential, if you handle them with care. Try lightly cupping them with your hands or gently sucking on them for maximum pleasure.
Keep in mind that I’m just scratching the surface when it comes to erogenous zones. There are many other erogenous zones, including the earlobes, nape of the neck, inner thighs and inner wrists. With a little exploration, you’ll be amazed at just how many erogenous zones you and your lover have. And that’s not counting the brain – the biggest and most powerful erogenous zone of all! The main take-away is to map your body and your partner's, so you have multiple options for erogenous exploration.
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