Ask Laura for September

Questions of the Month

Dear Laura,
I have a very strong sex drive, but I fail miserably with oral sex. I can’t open my mouth wide enough to take his penis in. Honestly, I don’t know what to do if I could, how sad is that? I want to satisfy him so much--I daydream about it. Please help before the sparks disappear. My wonderful man deserves so much more! --Unable to Satisfy

Dear Laura,
My husband and I have been married for 6 years now. Our sex life is nowhere near what it used to be, but we are still satisfied. My question is my husband loves BJs, but I can only go so long before I start to feel like I’m going to puke. I love doing it for him, but I just can’t seem to do it long enough to get him off. What’s your suggestion? I’ve tried different creams, lozenges, teeth candy, and other things to get over this, but they don’t work. Please help so I can continue to please my husband! --Stumped

Dear Unable and Stumped,
I’m impressed that both of you seek to improve your sex life and satisfy your partners! Oral sex can be a very strong tool in your sexy toolbox. As for not getting him into your mouth, or gagging after a while, this harkens back to the same problem: the mouth is not a huge orifice. The average erect penis length is 6.5 inches, and the mouth simply is not that long. A nice wide penis is difficult to get into one’s mouth, unless you have all your teeth removed (a bit drastic). Relax ladies: There are still ways to perform oral sex without getting lockjaw or throwing up! If something hurts or is uncomfortable, stop doing it. Period. To learn some fantastic techniques that involve your hands as well (the #1 tip to giving a mind-blowing BJ), check out Tickle His Pickle by Sadie Allison or Nina Hartley’s Guide to Better Fellatio. My all-time favorite tip to recommend: Get a masturbator (like the Head Honcho), lube it up with flavored lube, slip it on him and start stroking! You can then concentrate your oral attention on the very sensitive penis head, and the masturbator will stroke and stimulate his shaft, giving the next best thing to a real “deep throat” . . . without gagging you!

Dear Laura,
I was talking to my girlfriend about my fantasy to watch a sex movie together. Generally speaking, she has no desire to see one of these movies, but she is open to the idea if we could find a movie that is tasteful. So I am looking for something that is just couples, no lesbian or threesomes, and that isn’t hyper-focused on the penis or vagina, but more on the overall lovemaking. Do you have any recommendations that you think would be suitable for this type of situation? --Private Screening

Dear Private Screening,
A wonderful request! To begin your search, you can go to the Adam & Eve web site, select Adult DVDs, and then look in the “Couples” category. Most anything with the word “romance” in the title will be a bit more couple-friendly, though many of them do have threeways or lesbian scenes--but that’s the joy of the DVD, where you can skip those! I do recommend Candida Royalle’s Femme productions, which are geared for women and couples, and are a bit softer, with more plot (still fully graphic, though)--check out Under the Covers and the classic One Size Fits All. Also check out Erotica for Two, with specifically hetero scenes of couples. Enjoy!

Dear Laura,
I have trouble having orgasms, and I recently bought a rabbit vibrator that doesn’t seem strong enough. I was just curious if there is a vibe that is stronger than the Wild G Spot vibe. Please help! --Vibe Lady

Dear Vibe Lady,
Many women have trouble having orgasms, so you’re not alone there. Sometimes it does take a stronger vibrator--until you learn to recognize the feelings and triggers, and then it can become much easier to have an orgasm! If you’re current vibe isn’t doing it for you, I have a few suggestions. Strong: G-Gasm Delight. It may be curved for G-spot, but that bulb packs a serious wallop of intense vibrations. Plus, it’s made of hard plastic, which means it transmits the vibrations really well! Stronger: Better Sex Synergy System. It doesn’t just vibrate, it oscillates and has interchangeable heads! Hot! Strongest: A&E Massaging Vibrator. Plugs in the wall (no batteries to fuss with!). Many women call this one “old faithful.” Even women who have only single orgasms often report having multiples O’s in a row with this baby!

Dear Laura,
Several days ago I was feeling bored and the toys I had been using for pleasure were starting to feel old, so I decided to shave “down there” for the first time. To me it looks weird, because I’ve never been bald down there, and the next day I made a date for Saturday night and I'm nervous. If she makes a move, I think I’m embarrassed by the job I did tending to the overgrown grass. What do I say if she laughs when I get naked?--Confused in Cornelius

Dear Confused,
I wish I had a script for you, but I don’t. Instead, I’ll tell you something better: She won’t laugh. And here’s why: Shaving all your pubic hair off makes your dick look a good 2 inches bigger! More likely, she’ll start ooohing and ahhhing over it. Plus, no more pubic hair to interfere with good oral sex! If the opportunity comes up, disrobe with pride and confidence--that’s the sexiest thing you can do anyway (the confidence part!). If you want to do a smoother job in the future, I highly recommend Intimo Rash-Free Shave Kreme, perfect for manscaping. Better yet, go for the Body Bare Shaving Kit!

Dear Laura,
I am open to doing anything for my girlfriend as long as it’s for her pleasure, and I think a sexual life should be reciprocal. She will grudgingly give me a blowjob, but complains about my penis. I keep it clean and shave/trim. I even take a shower before sexual activity, and she still can’t do it. She says it tastes nasty, but nobody else has ever complained about it. Why does she do that? How can I make her get into oral sex? I always like a good blowjob before sex. She does, too, and I do it for her. Why doesn’t she do it for me? --A.C.

Dear A.C.,
I can’t climb in your girlfriend’s head, so I don’t know why she doesn’t like it or why she doesn’t do it. There are many reasons--a lot of women really don’t like performing oral sex. I don’t recommend performing on her just so you can demand that she “do you” as well--sex is not necessarily a “you give me one, and I’ll give you one” activity. Also, you cannot make her get into if she doesn’t want to. But you can communicate with her about it. Ask her what she doesn’t like--is it the smell (which is critical to taste), taste of the penis, taste of precome, taste of semen? What would she like you to do about it? What is she uncomfortable with? A few tips to offer her: A good flavored lube, like ID Juicy Lube, for better taste. You can also wrap your rascal with a flavored condom, so she can go to town on that (and you can come in her mouth and she will never taste it). And, as I suggested to other readers at the top of this column, a great masturbator (like the Cyberskin Twin Teaser) to use on your shaft while she just uses her tongue on your penis head (pair it with a flavored lube). (Note: I can’t answer the other two questions you sent me in one column, but look for responses in the future.)

Dear Laura,
There are a few sex positions that my wife claims make her feel like she’s going to pee or will pee. Is this a good thing, is it normal? They’re some of my favorite positions, but we can’t seem to do them for very long because of her urges to pee. --Contorted

Dear Contorted,
There are several reasons that your wife may feel the urge to pee. To begin with, those positions may be directly stimulating her urethra, the opening where urine comes out. These can be very pleasant sensations for most women, and the stimulation may cause the spongy tissue to swell (just like the vulva swells in arousal), and that may send the trigger signal of needing to pee--even if the bladder has just been emptied. Another way this feeling is attained is through stimulation of the G-spot, which is also known as the urethral sponge. Certain positions really stroke the G-spot with your penis (or toy), and as the area responds, the tissue swells with fluid, again possibly sending that signal of “gotta pee!” However, when this area swells, it is actually closing off the urethra--there is no peeing! It’s an odd sensation at first, but many women find that if they can bear with the feeling for a moment or two, they are rewarded with intense orgasm. I recommend that your wife fully empty her bladder before sex, and carefully experiment with you. If her urge to pee is painful, and she really does have to “go” in the middle, she may need to be checked for a urinary tract infection. Even a low-grade one can cause that sudden, almost painful urge to pee.