Dear Laura and Larry,

I like to get really creative with sex positions--even acrobatic and yoga poses. The problem is, even though the positions are really great, I often end up with muscle cramps, strained muscles, and sometimes bruises that hurt during and after. How can I stay acrobatic without paying the price? --Position Master

Laura's Response:

Dear Position Master,
I salute anyone who can get creative and twisty! You shouldn't have to be sore for days after a great romp session. There are lots of props you can check out to support you in these positions. The A&E Inflatable Position Master offers support and a surprising array of creative uses! The Sex Stool can support you in myriad ways while literally taking the weight off your partner, too! It's a great toy for getting super-bouncy. Finally, the Liberator Ramp and Wedge Combo supports you in nearly endless customizable configurations as you get creative in the bedroom.

Larry's Response:

Dear Position Master,
No pain, no gain - but not in sex, usually. Or at least not for most people. If you are adept at yoga, then many of the same techniques you use there for avoiding injury are just as applicable in choosing your sexual positions. Move slowly, cautiously, and don't strain more than your body wants to, in other words. After all, sex and yoga are very closely connected: both are gentle kinesthetic exercises that have a dramatic impact on your central nervous system. The ancient tradition of Tantra is most famously the bridge between the two, being a mystical system of Indian origin that arose around the same time the yogic arts were being developed and categorized. While much is often made of the more mystical aspects of Tantra, there is no doubt that there was a practical side to it as well when it came to sex. Consider investigating the subject in depth to see how the Tantric yogis avoided pulled hamstrings and unsightly bruising while boinking their chelas. Good luck!

Dear Laura and Larry,

I travel a lot for my job. I would like to take my toys with me and have phone sex with my boyfriend so we can stay close. However, I don't want to get busted at the airport with a luggage inspection, or leave any expensive toys behind in a hotel room. What do you recommend for travel-ready toys that don't cost a bundle? --Horny Girl on the Road

Laura's Response:

Dear Horny Girl,
Nothing livens up a dull hotel room like a few good orgasms! Getting embarrassed at the airport or losing toys can certainly put a damper on your fun. First, I recommend grabbing some travel-size lube bottles so that you are always slippery on the go without taking a huge bottle. Check out the I-D Lube Sampler for five different lubes in 1-ounce bottles! Tip: Put lube bottles inside a zip baggy when traveling, especially in an airplane. One pinhole leak in a lube bottle equals VERY slippery stuff in your toiletries bag (I speak from actual experience on this!). A wonderful little toy for taking fun on the road is the Fukuoku 9000 Massager. It's tiny, powerful, comes in its own travel case, and doesn't look like a traditional vibrator. It's small enough to slip into your purse with no one the wiser. If you're going to carry other, larger toys in your checked luggage, consider wrapping each one in a Sugar Sak to keep it clean, lint-free, and away from prying eyes. If you're taking a vibrator, take the batteries OUT and store separately while traveling so it doesn't turn itself on and incite a bomb scare. Finally, take some Foaming Toy Wash
with you to keep your toys spotless on the road!

Larry's Response:

Dear Horny Girl,
Girl, I feel for you. My wife is faced with a similar dilemma, as are most of the female road-warriors out there. The good news is that there are so many of you that the DHS personnel who are looking for bombs and guns don't usually even glance at an obvious vibrator in your suitcase - after all, the mechanisms, even under x-ray, are more simple than your electric toothbrush or hair dryer, and any DHS security person who singled you out on that basis is doing a poor job of protecting us. Smaller devices likewise don't set off their mental alarm bells, especially considering how many laser pointers and wireless mousse and flash drives and such there are out there. So you're probably pretty safe packing your battery operated boyfriend, if you don't over-do it.

But how you pack it is just important. To be safe, I'd recommend removing the batteries completely and storing them separately, just to avoid any unpleasant and accidental buzzing that might raise eyebrows as you stand in line with your shoes off. More than one poor woman has been suddenly confronted with stern-looking security personnel because she couldn't keep her rabbit quiet. Second, pack it in a plastic bag, just as you would do with a liquid. That way, even if they do check through your luggage they won't have any reason to mess with your obviously personal stuff with their bare hands. If at all possible, pack your toys in a Sugar Sack or other discreet packaging. Put them in your checked luggage, not your carry-on (unless it's a really, really long flight with nothing but Hugh Jackman and Daniel Craig flicks available . . . ) And finally, keep your orgasmic arsenal trimmed to one or two toys, max. The fewer toys, the less likely you are to get outed as a chronic masturbator in front of an entire gate full of your fellow passengers. If you want an added layer of subtly, consider one of the many "stealth" vibes out there, sex toys that look like rubber duckies, nail polish, lipstick, or maybe a hairbrush.

But while your person and your luggage are subject to search in an airport, you can still attempt to insist on a certain amount of discretion should your tonka toys be an issue to security. For one thing, try to insist that there is a female guard present to avoid any potential impropriety. Second, if they persist in asking embarrassing questions, demand to speak to a supervisor. While you run the risk of escalating their level of pure sadistic pleasure by treating you even more roughly (there are plenty of airport security horror stories out there) you might also convince a bored security guard who wants to goad you thus that pursuing such an obvious non-threat might be detrimental to his or her career.

Alternatively, you could just purchase new toys upon your arrival every time, or mailing them ahead, but not only is this inconvenient and expensive, it's unnecessary. As Americans, our right to masturbate is tacitly considered a part of our legal right to privacy, and intruding into such personal business of a citizen without a truly compelling interest should be frowned upon by us all. Good luck!