Ask Laura & Larry, July 2009

Dear Laura & Larry,
I bought some products and have no idea how to use them, or what (if any) dangers there might be. For instance, Ben Wa Balls. Can they get stuck and not come out? How do I use them—can I have sex with them inside me? --Lady Balls

Laura's Response:

Dear Lady Balls,
Ben Wa Balls generally should be used as a method for strengthening your PC muscle, one of your pelvic floor muscles. Insert the balls just at the entrance to your vagina (not farther up), and then, just try to keep them from falling out. The balls isolate the correct muscle and help you build it up. When you strengthen this muscle, you offer a lot of sexual benefits! Once you know how to flex it (without the balls), you can get more aroused, because this brings more blood flow to the vagina and vulva. You can flex your muscle during sex for some awesome sensations for his penis and more friction on your G-spot. I do not recommend using Ben Wa Balls during sex--you can get bruising inside! Some women use Ben Wa Balls purely for the pleasurable sensation they give. Vibrating ones are great for this--check out our P3 Power Balls

Larry's Response:

Dear Lady Balls:
Generally speaking, it's best to do a little research before you go off and buy a new sex toy, willy-nilly. Luckily we have the Internet, and specifically the (insert official name of A&E Product Guide with link here) to give you valuable information to help you decide on just which toy would work best in which orifice. So please, before you hit the "add to cart" be sure you've scoped out the specs on the toy in question - your emergency room doctor will thank you later.

That being said, there's not much that can go wrong with Ben Wa balls. Invented in ancient China, these two little hollow metal balls contain even smaller metal balls inside their hollow spaces. When inserted gently into the vagina, they rest against the G-spot. When you walk or rock on a swing or just sneeze funny, the two balls rubtogether together while the inner balls jiggle around and WHOA NELLIE! As far as sophisticated orgasmic technology goes, these things were WAY ahead of their time. Standing and walking with Ben Wa in place can prove challenging, forcing the woman in question to continually tighten her PC muscles to keep them from slipping out - and deal with what feels like tiny little elves tap-dancing on her G-spot. A few female friends of mine rave about the practice, and one confided that she makes sure she wears hers when she goes out to clubs in order to promote a receptive mood. Another slips them in before she makes her commute home to distract from the long ride and vibrate away the cares and worries of her day.

While designed originally for solo pleasure, unless you posses an unnaturally tight vagina you should be able to have intercourse comfortably with them in place. If any pain or discomfort result, then please stop using them immediately. The likelihood that they'll "get stuck" is fairly low, but plenty of women have had to go fish them back out after a particular vigorous session. If that happens, don't panic and call 9-11 - just relax, stand up, and give a few hearty jumps to encourage the little buggers to drop. Some women have the opposite problem: their PC muscles are not strong enough to keep the balls in place. So I'd also recommend that if you do wear them in public, you do so with pants or at least panties, lest they get away from you, roll across the floor at a dinner party, and become a conversation piece. Trust me on this one.

Dear Laura and Larry,
I always hear and read about women's G-spot. Could you explain the male G-spot? I got one of the Prostate Massagers and I'm not sure how to use it. How far to stick it in? Do I need a partner, or can I do it myself? I'm 24, am I too young to try this sex exploration? --Backdoor Ben

Laura's Response:

Dear Backdoor Ben,
No, you are not too young to try this sexual exploration! Anal play is not particularly "kinky" or "naughty." The fact is, there are lots of nerve endings in the anus that are stimulated and feel great. Additionally, for men, careful stimulation of the prostate can make extremely powerful orgasms! To use your Prostate Massager appropriately, you must be well-lubed and relaxed. Begin with external anal massage with your fingers or a vibrating toy. When you feel ready for penetration, slowly work in a finger or a very slender toy (like our First Anal Toy) very gently working it in, with plenty of lubrication, until your sphincters relax. When you are ready, you then slowly and gently work in the Prostate Massager. The curved end of the massager should be inserted so that it is curving toward the front of your body--as if you were trying to touch your bellybutton from the inside. Be very gentle--the prostate is extremely sensitive! You shouldn't need to stick it in too far. Many people can stimulate the prostate with their fingers, so about 3-4 inches (depending on your body) should be enough. Keep a firm grip on the massager, and be sure to wrap it and any anal toys in a condom, to make cleanup a breeze. You can play by yourself or with a partner, your choice!

Larry's Response:

Dear Ben:
The so-called "male G-spot" is the Prostate gland, a walnut-sized lump of tissue that's extremely sensitive - comparable to the female G-spot and clitoris. It's not quite as easy to get to, since it lives up your butt, but if you can overcome the ick factor and any latent homophobia any man can enjoy powerful, soul-squeezing orgasms with prostate stimulation.

First of all, enjoying a prostate massage does not make you gay. Or straight, for that matter. All men have one, and all men can enjoy theirs without fear of their pre-established sexuality. The simplest way to discover the exact placement of your prostate is to explore with a finger (your own or a friend's - doesn't matter) or a long, slender sex toy of some sort. Usually 2-3 inches inside your anus, just behind your testicles, you'll find this magical place. For some guys simple pressure, like that provided by a butt plug, is enough to tag the prostate in wonderful ways. Others prefer a little more friction or vibration. Either way, there is an entire arsenal of sex toys designed to stimulate your prostate. The only way to find the right one is to experiment.

Dear Laura and Larry,
I've been married for 35 years. My husband can "hold off" for over an hour during sex, as for me, 45 min to 1 hour is enough. I love a lot of foreplay, but after I climax, the actual sex doesn't interest me for very long. I'm on bio-identical hormones and that's helping, but I still don't share that long interest as my husband. When first married, I was the one who was always in the mood, and there were times where my husband finished before I did. I'm thinking with that and when I get myself off I'm used getting through faster. Am I the only women who feels like this? Any suggestions? --Short Round

Laura's Response:

Dear Short Round,
You are most definitely not the only woman who feels like this! Although a love fest that last for hours seems like a hot fantasy, the reality can be a little tiring. Who has that kind of time, every time? Plenty of women are pretty much "done" once they have an orgasm. It's hard to sustain a crazy passion level for hours on end! You will need to communicate this with him, and perhaps help him out with some "speeding up" techniques. If you enjoy giving oral sex, you can finish him off that way. You can use a masturbator on him--a great way to give pleasure without having to do it yourself. I recommend the Velvet Touch. You can also try Stroke 29 Masturbation Cream for some fun hand jobs!

Larry's Response:

Dear Mrs. Round:
No, you aren't the only woman who feels like that. While having a "60 second man" for a husband is a common complaint for some women, plenty of others run a short fuse themselves and find their partner's prolonged pronging to be problematic. The fact is that most guys have heard the former complaint at a cultural level and have spent their lives cultivating ways from popping their cork too soon. As the bloom of youth fades, we also naturally go for longer and longer distances. I'd advise caution when dealing with this subject with your husband, however - we might be all manly and tough on the outside, but when it comes to our sexual performance we're terribly sensitive.

My best advice is to accept your short fuse and indulge your husband in at least a few extended-play sessions a month. The rest of the time find some pleasant alternative to a mattress marathon. Consider performing fellatio while stimulating yourself, for instance, maybe finishing with a hard, fulfilling screw for the last few moments. Or give him a sensual hand-job and hop on just as he's getting close. Mutual masturbation and 69 are likewise reasonable ways to find common ground - guys tend to orgasm quicker with oral or manual stimulation, and you not only won't get as sore and bored, but you'll be able to finish in time to catch Jon Stewart's opening monolog.

Dear Laura & Larry,
I keep seeing the acronym "Milf." What does it stand for and what exactly is a Milf? --WTF?

Laura’s Response:

Dear WTF?
MILF stands for "mom I'd like to fuck." It is used as a catchall term indicating foxy older women. MILFs who specifically go for much younger men are also known as cougars. Be wary before calling anyone a MILF to her face--some may take it as a compliment, others may be offended. Want to see some MILF action? There is a whole section of our Adult DVD listings dedicated to MILFs. There's Milf to the Max and Barely Milf. For a little how-to, check out Nina Hartley's Guide to Older Women with Younger Men.

Larry's Response:

Dear Milfless:
MILF stands for "Mother I'd Love To F*ck", and was popularized in the hit 90s teen sex comedy American Pie. In general, it means a more mature woman. After that the MILF terminology gets tricky. There are those aficionados who don't consider a woman a MILF unless she has actually given birth. Others prefer a particular kind of sexy matronly fantasy that's more "hot teacher" inspired, where a mature but attractive woman, sometimes in a role of authority, seduces a presumably younger dude. Others prefer their MILFs with wrinkles, age spots, sagging . . . everything, gray hair and all, and consider more traditionally attractive mature women as mere poseurs. The term "Cougar" is often used interchangeably with "MILF", although experts in the field insist that Cougars are not merely attractive older women, but are sexually aggressive and prefer much younger men (or girls - lesbian MILF porn is pretty tasty!).

What's the attraction? Topping the list is the sexual self-confidence that comes to a woman in middle-age. Once she's passed out of the highly sought-after late teens/early twenties period, not only has the anxiety that comes with inexperience been reduced, she's developed some decent sexual skills and knows her body well enough to drop the coy pretense of youth. And later in life she might hit a hormone-fueled sexual high that encourages her to be very sexually aggressive, and more willing to be sexually available.