Dear Laura and Larry,

I really enjoy watching my girlfriend masturbate with a dildo. Is this normal? She doesn't mind and even encourages it. --Watcher

Laura's Response:

Dear Watcher,
If you like it, it’s totally normal! Especially if she encourages it! In fact, you might learn a few things. Pay attention to how she controls the action, when she speeds up, how deep she goes, and so on. The next time you are in the mix, you can mimic what you saw with your own body. Or join in with the dildo--get her to teach you what she likes and use it on her. Better yet, get a dildo with a suction cup (like the Purple Pearl), stick it on the wall or headboard, have her back up to it, and go down on you while she gets her rocks off!

Larry's Response:

Dear Watcher,
Perfectly normal. A certain amount of casual exhibitionism is implicit in our sexual lives. Whether it’s watching a porn flick, checking out co-workers, friends, and passing strangers, or watching True Blood and pausing to reflect on the naughty parts, everyone gets off to watching, to some extent. The flip side is that many get off on being watched, under the right circumstances (and with their knowledge and consent – so back away from your neighbor’s window slowly before someone calls the cops). Watching your girlfriend pleasure herself is so normal it’s almost mundane. Watching your girlfriend pleasure herself in the produce section of a crowded grocery store – that’s quite a bit higher on the kink-o-meter. Enjoy!

Dear Laura and Larry,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years. Last spring, she let me be her first. I've had other partners and they've all adjusted to my size. I'm not huge, but I do fill up a magnum condom. One of the big problems with us is that we're long distance. Normally, we only get a weekend together every 5 weeks or so. In that time, she's always sore and it never gets better. When she's alone, she prefers her fingers on her clit. I've suggested a toy to stretch her out some, but she's not interested in that. Anything you can suggest?--Bigger Isn't Always Better

Laura's Response:

Dear Bigger,
Ah, the big tool and the small toolbox. It happens! There are some techniques you can use to get her really ready for you. First, is to have lots of foreplay, and I mean lots and lots. She needs to be really excited. When she is, the vagina lengthens and stretches, making it easier to accommodate you. In fact, consider bringing her to orgasm before you penetrate her. She’ll be really ready for you then! Use plenty of lube--always have some lube handy. A great water-based lube like ID Glide is perfect. Too little lube (or dried-out natural lubricant) can cause chafing, which really does hurt. When enjoying your foreplay, insert one finger, then two, and then three as she gets turned on. She needs to be gradually loosened up! Insert your penis slowly--let her control the action by being on top. To deal with any soreness afterward (which might be inevitable, no matter how hot she is), she should have warm soaks in the tub with epsom salts, and take ibuprofen or acetaminophen for pain relief. Not every woman wants a toy to “stretch out”--many just prefer clitoral stimulation with a toy (and no penetration). But a great one to surprise her with might be a beginner-sized jackrabbit, such as the Wet Wabbit . This will help her get used to the thrills of internal stimulation with clitoral stimulation, and then she might warm up to larger toys.

Larry's Response:

Dear Bigger,
This is a lot more common problem than most people suspect. Radical differences in size can be an obstacle to frequent and heated boot-knocking, and the pain associated with the experience can act as an over-all drag on your sex life. Your original suggestion, that she use a dildo to prepare her vagina for your massive man-missile, is probably the single easiest thing that you can do. I’d suggest that she use one a few days prior to you getting together, and tell her to think about it as “training”, not titillation. Even with that kind of prep you’ll still have a tight squeeze, but the good news is that vaginas do “stretch” over time, losing elasticity like (unfortunately) every other part of the body. And should you and she decide to marry and/or have kids, then after the first one the issue will probably be moot. In the meantime, frequent encounters will help her accommodate your towering pillar of masculine power – but be sure to be generous with the lube and understanding when she tells you “enough!”. Good luck!

Dear Laura and Larry,

We are fairly new at anal sex. My question is, what is the best and/or easiest position for her with me using a harness with a slim dildo to enter her for double penetration? Doggie style, men standing facing her lying on her back at edge of bed, missionary, or otherwise? --Backdoor Bravo

Laura's Response,

Dear Bravo,
The most critical issue here is for the receiving partner should be relaxed. If she is tense in any way, she won’t be able to accept the penetration. Therefore, she should choose the position. If she’s most comfortable on her back, that’s great! If she prefers doggie, that’s good, too! There are a few ways to help her stay comfortable in these positions. For awesome doggie position, check out the Sportsheets Doggie Strap. You can hold her at the right angle, and she can relax her muscles more. You can also control the thrusting with this great little bedroom accessory. The Sex Sling is terrific for when she’s on her back--keeps her legs up and her hips angled, comfortably! Something even better is the Liberator Wedge. It will elevate her rear when she’s on her back, or provide support and a good angle in doggie style, so she can relax and enjoy!

Larry's Response:

Dear Bravo:
The choice of position for such a stunt depends entirely on your individual shapes and sizes, and which side of the force you want your willy on while your plastic pal takes care of the other. In general, the two best all-around positions for the attempt are probably doggie and missionary, but with your lady on the bed, her naughty bits elevated by pillows if necessary to achieve the proper alignment. This allows you better balance and control in a situation where wild, carefree thrusting might be less than pleasant. It also keeps your knees from getting tired. Just be sure to either wear some sort of shoe, stand on a carpet, or go barefoot, as a bare hardwood floor and super-slippery wool socks can provide some sudden and unfortunate movements during an otherwise intense moment of passion. Don’t ask me how I know this. Just trust me. Good Luck!