Gift-Giving Emergencies – Last-Minute Ideas!

It’s pretty much the ultimate nightmare. You’re standing naked in front of a huge audience delivering a lecture on the tastiness index of snack foods when you suddenly wake up and realize today is Valentine’s Day and you forgot to get that special someone a gift. The someone who’s sleeping right beside you.

First thing to do is don’t panic. You have to keep your cool if you want to avoid tears, shouting, more tears and a potentially messy break up. This means don’t start screaming, “@$@@^^@!!@!%^, I forgot %@#^ Valentine’s $#@#$^ Day!”

Most of the time, you could suggest waiting to exchange gifts until after work so you both have time to enjoy them. Unfortunately for you, Valentine’s is on Saturday this year so that plan might not work.

The ideal thing at this point is to leave your partner a note saying you’ve gone to pick up breakfast. This gives you plenty of time to hit the store and buy something at the last minute. Sure, the good stuff’s probably long gone but there’s nothing like a partially crushed heart missing half its candy to say I love you but I need a calendar next year because I’m bad at remembering holidays. Just remember to swing by somewhere on your way back to grab breakfast.

If this isn’t possible (your partner’s already up or cooking breakfast), then you’ve got to play it cool. Tell them you’re stepping outside for a bit, then run over to the neighbor’s house and offer them every dollar you have for one of their gifts. Sure it sounds like a bad sitcom idea, but it’s just crazy enough to work.

If your neighbors have really bad taste, you still have time to put together a little something. Just turn on your computer (quietly), and start buying things. Print out a picture of something they’ve been eyeing, and tell them you ordered it but it’s been delayed. (This is only believable if you spring for rush shipping so it comes next Monday or Tuesday.) If you don’t know what they want, you can easily buy an online gift card to their favorite stores and have it emailed to your partner that morning.

Alternatively, you can type up a series of coupons for them to use all year long for things like a foot massage, offering to do their household chores, a no-strings-attached date night, or just a relaxing evening alone.

And if none of that works, there’s always oral sex!