Dear Laura & Larry, I purchased a dildo to use on my wife during lovemaking. Which is the best way to introduce the use of it during our lovemaking? Should I tell her or just start to use it on her? --New Stick

Laura's Response:

Dear New Stick,
I think you should introduce your wife to the new dildo before you start making love. If you spring it on her as a surprise, she might feel uncomfortable or shocked, ruining the mood. Let her take a look and a feel, and see if she has any ideas for using it! A great way to begin using it on her is during oral sex. Go down on her, and as you tease her and she gets more excited, slowly slip in the dildo as you continue to pleasure her. Before long, you can be sliding it in and out and giving her that oh-so-important clitoral stimulation that most women need to orgasm! A good tip here: Use a flavored lube so the dildo will slide in and out smoothly, and you get a great taste to boot! Remember to clean the dildo well after each use (try our Essential Toy Cleaner and you'll have loads of fun!)

Larry's Response:

Dear New Stick:
That depends entirely on your wife: if she's the adventurous sort who enjoys a surprise, then sure, go ahead and whip out the toy in the moment of passion. On the other hand, if she's a little skittish of sexual adventure then the considerate thing to do is to wrap it up in a big bow and leave it someplace she'll find it, perhaps with a little love note. That allows her to avoid any embarrassment she might initially feel, and give her a little time to get used to the idea before you discuss it or employ it. Either way, the important thing is to make sure that she perceives the gift as a loving gesture, not a criticism of her lovemaking. If you haven't used toys with each other before, the first one introduced into the relationship can unintentionally spawn some issues, if not approached properly. In this case you should be pretty safe, but if the tables were turned and she suddenly produced a 14" monster dong in the middle of your lovemaking, even the most confident man is going to have a hint of insecurity about it the first time. Good luck!

Dear Laura & Larry, What is "fire and ice" in sexual terms? My husband and I heard it in a movie we watched, and apparently it's a term for a sex act. An actress started out using ice on her partner, but we don't know what else was involved. Thanks! --Just Curious

Laura's Response:

Dear Just Curious,
"Fire and ice" is a phrase generally used to describe giving oral sex with extreme temperatures. As you noticed, ice is one extreme, and then heat is the other. When giving a blow job, for example, the giving partner can suck on ice or sip hot water alternately, to give different sensations. Or, you could suck on ice to give a cold mouth sensation, and then using a warming massage lotion (like Decadent Warming Massage Oil on his testicles to get a double whammy.) Women can experience fire and ice in an exciting way with glass dildos! Because glass holds onto heat or cold for a long time, you can start with a warm dildo, and then slip in a chilled one now and then for exciting thrills!

Larry's Response:

Dear Just Curious,
I've done some research on this, and the term "fire and ice" does pop up in some authentic Asian sex literature. The problem is that there is a LOT of Asian sex literature, from hundreds of different cultures, so it's difficult to pinpoint exactly which one the movie is referring to. Remember, Asia is the biggest continent and includes China, India, Japan, Korea, Indo-China (Burma, Laos, Vietnam, Cambodia), Malaysia, Indonesia, and plenty of smaller but distinct cultures - and all of them have more than 5000 years of history, with plenty of dirty parts. The erotic frescos at Bankor Wat, the Indian Kama Sutra, the titillating Taoist Chinese sex manuals, the Japanese pillow books - there's plenty of rich erotic material from the Orient, Subcontinent and environs for the sexually adventurous to explore.

But the term "fire and ice" probably goes back to the traditional practices of Taoist sexual yoga, a form of Chinese Tantra, which emphasized a union of opposites - the yin (the wet, cool, feminine) and the yang (the dry, hot masculine). Fire and Ice, of course, are two extremes which don't ordinarily unite. Pinning a specific sexual position to this, however, is less important than the sexual philosophy it implies. Consider alternating sensations during lovemaking, from tender caresses to powerful touches; give your partner some interesting sensations while blindfolded by using a piece of faux fur on them after a playful spanking; or prepare a cup of hot tea and a cup of icewater and alternate sips while you orally worship them. That way you'll reap the spiritual and sexual benefits of the idea without resorting to orthapedically challenging sexual positions designed for double-jointed yoga masters.

Dear Laura & Larry, My wife and I have been married for almost 30 years now and still get it on like bunnies. I've been able to make her scream with pleasure and wet the bed with her juices but not quite squirt in my face. Can any woman squirt like some I've seen in movies or learn how to? I really would like my hottie to be able to, but she says it feels like she's gonna pee. I've heard that that is the feeling of a woman about to squirt, but she doesn't want to take the chance of peeing in my face. Can you help us out? --Gettin' More than Most 25-year-olds at 50!

Laura's Response:

Dear Gettin' More,
Congrats for proving that sex does not have to get dull! Rock on! As to your question--well, some women naturally squirt, and some don't. For some, "squirting" can be like a river flood of pulsing liquid spraying everywhere, whereas for others it is only a few extra teaspoons, and comes out more like "leaking" instead of spraying. Indeed, when your hot wife feels like she's going to pee, that is the spongy tissue of the G-spot swelling with fluid (it surrounds the urethra and closes it off). You could remind her that "squirting" does not come from the bladder--it comes from inside the vagina. But keep in mind that it still might not feel right for her. You can get more information and great tips from Nina Hartley's Guide to Female Ejaculation .

Larry's Response:

Dear Gettin' More,
Congratulations on your libido's long shelf-life! Squirting, aka the mysterious "female ejaculation" phenomenon has been medically observed for decades. Once thought to be rare, with the discovery of the G-spot (some folks are still looking for it) and the popularization of its stimulation to provide a more powerful orgasm, it became clear that squirting wasn't as rare as previously thought. Basically, the theory goes that dramatic stimulation of the G-spot and the clitoris at the same time will encourage a woman to produce copious amounts of natural lubrication in her vagina - so much that when she does have a powerful orgasm, the tight and sudden contractions of the vaginal muscles expel that fluid with amazing velocity. Not every woman can do it, and for some it takes practice and the help of an assistant. Make sure she's well-hydrated and totally turned on - but her bladder is empty - before you try, and encourage her to really cut loose. There are even videos available that detail just how to produce a squirt - director Axel Braun has taken a particular interest in the subject.

The controversy, of course, is whether or not the phenomenon is actually natural lubricant or actually urine. The waters get muddied a little because on some squirting videos the women are clearly urinating, while in others they clearly aren't. If you and your honey are game, then try practicing on a cheap shower curtain spread out on the bed to avoid any mess. Then have her lay back in missionary position while you simultaneously stroke her clitoris and rapidly rub her G-spot in the traditional "fingerbanging" manner. Don't be afraid to use a vibrator on her clit, and possibly one on her G-spot, as well, and then wait for the pussy showers to begin. Even if they don't at first, you'll have a heck of a time practicing! Good luck!