Dick MacJohnson for President
He’ll go all the way for you.
Meet Dick MacJohnson
Born – June 9, 1959
Hometown – Sandy Balls, North Carolina
Education - Graduated from Yale with a degree in history and political science in 1980
Favorite Song – Son of a Preacher Man
Favorite Movie - Shaft
Favorite Book – The Pictoral Guide to Tantric Sex (particularly pages 14, 19, 25-28 and 56)
Favorite Quote – I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. -Hunter S. Thompson
Favorite Position – Piledriver
Personal Heroes – George Washington, Theodore Roosevelt, Lexington Steele
Nickname for his penis – Dick’s love pump
Biography
Dick was born on June 9, 1959 – the oldest son of Reverend Tom and Linda Johnson. He was born in the small town of Blowhard, North Carolina and lived there until he was 5 when his father Tom became the head minister of the First Church of Sandy Balls, where he still preaches from the pulpit every Sunday.
As a young boy, Dick was highly involved with his church family – participating in youth groups, the children’s choir, the church softball team, church plays and other activities. As a result, he quickly developed into a highly charismatic and popular young man. In school, he polished off his leadership skills and used his natural talents on and off the field to become quarterback of his high school football team – leading them to the state playoffs his junior and senior year – as well as being elected Class President and Class Clown.
Dick left his hometown after graduation, leaving behind a string of memories, fond friends, broken hearts, and a large number of illegitimate children. After a successful freshman year at Yale, his peers quickly recognized Dick’s potential and inducted him into the secret Skull and Bones Society. While the rest of his college career is somewhat shrouded in mystery, Dick played an active role in student government – eventually becoming student body president and worked closely with the chancellor to improve the academic and social climate at school.
He’ll go all the way for you.
Meet Dick MacJohnson
Born – June 9, 1959
Hometown – Sandy Balls, North Carolina
Education - Graduated from Yale with a degree in history and political science in 1980
Favorite Song – Son of a Preacher Man
Favorite Movie - Shaft
Favorite Book – The Pictoral Guide to Tantric Sex (particularly pages 14, 19, 25-28 and 56)
Favorite Quote – I wouldn’t recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me. -Hunter S. Thompson
Favorite Position – Piledriver
Personal Heroes – George Washington, Theodore Roosevelt, Lexington Steele
Nickname for his penis – Dick’s love pump
Biography
Dick was born on June 9, 1959 – the oldest son of Reverend Tom and Linda Johnson. He was born in the small town of Blowhard, North Carolina and lived there until he was 5 when his father Tom became the head minister of the First Church of Sandy Balls, where he still preaches from the pulpit every Sunday.
As a young boy, Dick was highly involved with his church family – participating in youth groups, the children’s choir, the church softball team, church plays and other activities. As a result, he quickly developed into a highly charismatic and popular young man. In school, he polished off his leadership skills and used his natural talents on and off the field to become quarterback of his high school football team – leading them to the state playoffs his junior and senior year – as well as being elected Class President and Class Clown.
Dick left his hometown after graduation, leaving behind a string of memories, fond friends, broken hearts, and a large number of illegitimate children. After a successful freshman year at Yale, his peers quickly recognized Dick’s potential and inducted him into the secret Skull and Bones Society. While the rest of his college career is somewhat shrouded in mystery, Dick played an active role in student government – eventually becoming student body president and worked closely with the chancellor to improve the academic and social climate at school.
After graduating with degrees in history and political science, Dick went to work for the Central Intelligence Agency as an under-the-covers agent, eventually rising to a deputy director position. Along the way, he met and married his beautiful wife – Natasha – and had three lovely children: Boris, Svetlana and Yura. But when his father was diagnosed with a mysterious disease, Dick returned home to help care for him and to spend more time with his family.
Once his father’s health returned, Dick felt the sweet siren call of public service once more and entered into the race for a seat in the U.S. House. Although he started off as an unlikely candidate, the mysterious deaths of his leading opponents in the primary and general race led to a landslide victory and 3 subsequent terms, in which he ran completely unopposed.
While serving in the House, Dick championed a tougher approach on the war of terror as well as loosening restrictions on government surveillance and intelligence-gathering operations to make the country a far safer place.
With his natural leadership ability and knowledge of where the bodies are buried, Dick quickly became the rising star of his party and – with a little more experience – was soon tapped to run for president. And, with your support, he’s primed to hit the ground running for the oval orifice.
Dick’s Position on the Issues
Economy – MacJohnson is a firm believer in everyone should be helped by their government when in need. He would issue another stimulus check to help everyday Americans cover rising prices. “With the price of everything going up, people are looking at things on the shelf they just can’t afford - turning this country into little more than a cock-tease. Well, I say it’s time to take out the tease and give it a big, beefy injection from a stimulus check to get this country up and running again.”
Education – As president, he would do away with testing standards and other paperwork to put teachers back in control of their classrooms. “I remember my school days fondly – particularly Ms. Jones who inspired a lifelong love of learning in every male who crossed her path thanks to her passion, lacy stockings, curve-hugging blouse, and skilled hand with a paddle.”
Energy – Supports cutting the federal gasoline tax while raising taxes on oil speculators and oil companies to fund research into alternative energy sources. During a local, informal meeting of the Southern Industrial Leaders Invested in Capitalizing On New Energy (SILICONE) MacJohnson remarked, “Innovation is the strength of America. Any country that can turn chunks of silicone into pair after pair of the most beautiful knockers to grace my big-screen TV can solve this whole oil thing. It’s just a matter of getting the science guys to turn off 4 Hour Big Boob Jigglethon long enough to hit the drawing board.”
Sex – MacJohnson's first order of business as President would be to make the piledriver the National Sexual Position. At a recent meeting among various secret society members, MacJohnson was recorded to have said, “There’s nothing more visceral, more primal and better for one’s precious bodily fluids than the piledriver. It’s right up there with apple pie, purple mountains majesty, and topless pillow fights.”
Taxes – In order to increase spending in the country, MacJohnson would cut income and capital gains taxes across the board. “By freeing up capital for investment, we’ll create additional jobs all over the board. And with more money coming in to each individual, Americans will be able to buy more sex toys, adult movies and share their fortune in the form of larger tips for strippers, topless dancers, escorts and other hard-working, nubile professionals.”
Once his father’s health returned, Dick felt the sweet siren call of public service once more and entered into the race for a seat in the U.S. House. Although he started off as an unlikely candidate, the mysterious deaths of his leading opponents in the primary and general race led to a landslide victory and 3 subsequent terms, in which he ran completely unopposed.
While serving in the House, Dick championed a tougher approach on the war of terror as well as loosening restrictions on government surveillance and intelligence-gathering operations to make the country a far safer place.
With his natural leadership ability and knowledge of where the bodies are buried, Dick quickly became the rising star of his party and – with a little more experience – was soon tapped to run for president. And, with your support, he’s primed to hit the ground running for the oval orifice.
Dick’s Position on the Issues
Economy – MacJohnson is a firm believer in everyone should be helped by their government when in need. He would issue another stimulus check to help everyday Americans cover rising prices. “With the price of everything going up, people are looking at things on the shelf they just can’t afford - turning this country into little more than a cock-tease. Well, I say it’s time to take out the tease and give it a big, beefy injection from a stimulus check to get this country up and running again.”
Education – As president, he would do away with testing standards and other paperwork to put teachers back in control of their classrooms. “I remember my school days fondly – particularly Ms. Jones who inspired a lifelong love of learning in every male who crossed her path thanks to her passion, lacy stockings, curve-hugging blouse, and skilled hand with a paddle.”
Energy – Supports cutting the federal gasoline tax while raising taxes on oil speculators and oil companies to fund research into alternative energy sources. During a local, informal meeting of the Southern Industrial Leaders Invested in Capitalizing On New Energy (SILICONE) MacJohnson remarked, “Innovation is the strength of America. Any country that can turn chunks of silicone into pair after pair of the most beautiful knockers to grace my big-screen TV can solve this whole oil thing. It’s just a matter of getting the science guys to turn off 4 Hour Big Boob Jigglethon long enough to hit the drawing board.”
Sex – MacJohnson's first order of business as President would be to make the piledriver the National Sexual Position. At a recent meeting among various secret society members, MacJohnson was recorded to have said, “There’s nothing more visceral, more primal and better for one’s precious bodily fluids than the piledriver. It’s right up there with apple pie, purple mountains majesty, and topless pillow fights.”
Taxes – In order to increase spending in the country, MacJohnson would cut income and capital gains taxes across the board. “By freeing up capital for investment, we’ll create additional jobs all over the board. And with more money coming in to each individual, Americans will be able to buy more sex toys, adult movies and share their fortune in the form of larger tips for strippers, topless dancers, escorts and other hard-working, nubile professionals.”