Following last month's article on the role the penis has played on the course of human history, it was only fair that we prepare a tongue-in-cheek history of the vagina as well. So, without further ado, here's the abridged history of the vagina.

About 250,000 years ago - Ancestors of modern humans begin originating in Africa. Shortly thereafter, a cavewoman learns that men are lazy and that sex is the best way to motivate a caveman to do anything from taking the nuts and berries out of the cave for the night to fighting a saber-tooth tiger. She immediately shares this knowledge with other cavewomen, and a tradition is born.

About 60,000 years ago - Homo Sapiens begin developing a basic language. Shortly thereafter, women learn how much fun it is to talk about men, and most importantly, how much it drives men crazy. And a tradition is born.

About 50,000 years ago - A cavewoman gets a shiny rock from a would-be suitor. She promptly shows off the gift to her other girlfriends, who go back to their caves and ask their partners why they don't have a shiny rock of their own. And a tradition is born.

600 BC - Ancient poet Sappho of Lesbos writes about the joys of girl-girl action, adding the words Sapphic and lesbian to the dictionary as well as giving men everywhere something to dream about.

54 AD -Roman Empress Agrippina the Younger spends years running the empire from behind the scenes using her beauty and guile - setting an example for women married to pussy-whipped politicians around the world. And she later poisons her husband to put her son Nero on the throne - setting an example to black widows around the world.

1480 - A wave of religious fervor sweeps across Europe, and countless numbers of women and men are accused of witchcraft and horribly tortured. In a completely unrelated story, large numbers of witch hunters see their crops wither on the vine, their homes burn down, and eventually fall sick and die.

1788 - French queen Marie Antoinette makes the mistake of saying the starving peasants should eat cake. The peasants start sharpening the guillotine, and also stop inviting her to their birthday parties.

1862 - Civil War Nurse Cara Barton steps into what had been a traditionally male field, paving the way for millions of other women around the world and unintentionally laying the groundwork for the sexy nurse Halloween costume.

1869 - The first steam-powered vibrator is invented by an American doctor to help treat "female hysteria." A British inventor develops a battery powered vibrator later, arguably doing more for women than any other person in history.

1920 - Thanks to the efforts of early women's right advocates, the 19th Amendment is ratified and grants women the right to vote. Women no longer have to run the country from behind the scenes but continue to do so anyway.

1941 - With the United States finally entering World War II, thousands of women flock to factories and start working for the first time ever. Rosie the Riveter becomes poster girl for the homefront, and tells women everywhere that there's nothing wrong with being butch.

1968 - A wave of bra burning sweeps across the nation. Women start re-thinking this means of protest once men start volunteering to help remove the bras and set them on fire.

1998 - The rabbit vibrator appears in Sex and the City. Women worldwide grab their own rabbits and promptly replace their boyfriends with a newer and better battery operated version.

The Near Future - Tired of running things from behind the scenes, women finally take over the world.