A&E's Resident Sex Expert: Dr. Kat (continued)

Your questions answered Dr. Kat Van Kirk, an AASECT certified Sex Therapist and licensed Marriage Therapist. This month's question is…

Q&A: Wife Never Masturbates

Dear Dr. Kat,

I've been with my wife for 8 years and I've never been aware of her masturbating. After reading how important masturbation is (thanks to you, Dr. Kat), I know it's important for sexual health as we age and for her arousal. I've seen a huge decline in her wanting sex in the last two years. She's 39 and I'm 42 years old. I'm beginning to wonder if masturbation is the key. How do I help her with this without her thinking I'm simply being a horn dog?

Sincerely,
Rick

Dear Rick,

You're right. Encouraging self-masturbation may indeed be helpful. I would also suggest that she check in with her gynecologist to run a hormone and thyroid panel. Your wife may be on the cusp of peri-menopause. In addition, the thyroid can certainly affect sex drive. It would be helpful too to examine any lifestyle issues that may be inhibiting her ability to become aroused (stress, relationship, sleeps issues etc.).

Also, most people don't realize that female desire doesn't often "just happen". Research has shown that women need to put the cart before the horse, so to speak. This means that since she is not a testosterone driven being, she may need physical stimulation BEFORE becoming aroused. Masturbation can play an important role in getting aroused and orgasm can actually balance her hormones so that she's more open to sex.

You can encourage your wife’s masturbatory exploration by making sure she gets enough private time to explore. You may also want to go online at www.adamandeve.com
during a home-bound date night to see what toys appeal to her and then order. She may eventually use them with you but don't push, she needs to get used to her own rhythms first. Remember sex isn't only fun and pleasurable, it's medicinal.

Cheers,

Keep in touch with Dr. Kat:

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Guilty Pleasures: Erotic Fiction (continued)

I like to call myself sexual because I'm attracted to members of both genders. However, though I've had one long-term relationship with a woman, a few casual affairs and some one-night stands, I'm primarily drawn to men. This is undoubtedly due to my fascination for and adoration of the primary male organ. I love cocks. I love sucking them, rolling my tongue around them, and I love having them inside me, throbbing until they explode, filling me with ecstasy.

Recently I learned that sleeping with women, though, doesn't mean doing without cock. Let me explain. I had played around with dildos—I've owned one for years—but it was just recently that I discovered the dildo's full potential.

A lot of people are baffled when they hear about lesbians using fake cocks, wondering why, if they want to get fucked, they don't go for the real thing. But loving women emotionally and sexually doesn't mean you don't crave the occasional enthusiastic penetration session. Some people can't wrap their minds around this concept. They tend to view woman-on-woman sex as a world of soft flesh against some corny backdrop of fields and flowers. The truth is, many of us can get downright raunchy.

Laurie was that kind of lesbian. She was ten years younger than me, and had that uninhibited, invincible quality that just-out-of-college young women seem to have. She used her dark hair, dark eyes, petite body, and killer curves to go after any woman she wanted – with a vengeance. I met her in a lesbian bar, and, overcome by her open lust for me, took her home. That first night we were all over each other, sucking, touching, bumping and grinding. Laurie was so aggressive, I felt like I was the student. She would spread my legs and hump me wildly, her fingers buried inside me further than I thought they could go. At one point we paused to rest and she asked, "Do you have any toys?"

"I've got a vibrator and a dildo," I told her.

"Let's see the dong," she said.

I took out my slim lavender dildo and shyly presented it to her.

She held it in her hand and frowned. "This is it? Like, is there an expander?"

"No, that's—that's it." I was embarrassed. Clearly, I was lacking in some vital sexual knowledge, though I had no idea what that might be.

Somehow the night's mood had turned, and Laurie's demeanor had gone from lust-crazed to thoughtful. "Okay. This was round one. But tomorrow? You come to my house," she said, and left.

Laurie greeted me at the door wearing a low-cut t-shirt and a pair of tight jeans. She didn't say hello, just batted her dark eyelashes at me, stepped forward, and took hold of my hips. She kissed me, opening her hot mouth almost immediately, and when she pressed closer I felt a discernible bulge in her pants. Intrigued, I rubbed my crotch against it, getting myself hotter, moaning and groaning and rubbing my body against hers. After awhile Laurie released me and led me to her many-mirrored, candlelit bedroom. She sat down on the edge of the bed and gently pushed me to my knees, putting my face right in line with her crotch. Slowly she unzipped her jeans and out popped a big, thick, totally lifelike penis. It had an authentic looking head, veins, and little ridges all along the shaft.

Laurie smirked down at me. "Suck my cock," she said.

It felt like an order, and somehow that turned me on more. I took her cock in my hands and tentatively licked the head. It tasted like not much (I'd find out later it was made of silicone) but the visual effect was so real that my taste buds yielded to the more powerful psychological nuances. I took it into my mouth as I would a real cock, bobbing my head up and down, licking and slurping on the head before taking it deep. Laurie wrapped her hands in my hair and humped her pelvis.

"Yeah, that's it, baby. Take it all. Suck my dick."

I licked it all over, stroked it lovingly, and gazed up to see her eyes smoldering.

Soon she told me take off my clothes and rub her cock between my tits. All the while she watched us in the mirror; every so often I glanced over and saw myself in the classic position, on my knees with a mouthful of her cock.

"Oh, you like it? You want my cock?" Laurie stepped forward again and began to lightly slap my face with her dick, avoiding my eager lips until I was whimpering, my pussy dripping wetter than ever. I wanted to rub my clit at least, but the way she was looking at me, I didn't dare.

She laid me across the bed, spread my legs and mounted me. Grasping her dick in her hand, she eased just the head into my pussy. I thrust my hips to get more, but she held back.

"You want it? Huh?" She whispered. "You want my cock?"

"Yes," I gasped. "Please. Please fuck me."

She slowly slid all the way up to the hilt, shocking and thrilling me. My inner muscles clenched around it. Closing my eyes, I swore it felt just like I was being fucked by a man. But when I opened them, there was Laurie, her curvy breasts with their caramel-colored nipples bobbing over me as she thrust herself in and out of me. I grabbed hold of her breasts, lifted my head, and sucked, lifting my knees higher to allow deeper penetration. I opened up more and more, and after a few minutes of her slow drilling thrusts, I was nearly fainting with pleasure.

I was on the verge of cumming when Laurie rolled over and placed me on top of her. I sat up on her cock and bounced up and down in a frenzy. My tits bobbed, the nipples standing out like bullets, and my hair flowed down my back as I arched my body, straining to take in more and more of her.

"Oh yeah," she said approvingly, "look at you go!" Laurie smacked my ass. "Good girl."

Afterwards we laid side by side, the dildo still inside me, and still, of course, hard as a rock. I was totally awed. Not only could a dildo provide the same pleasure as a cock, there was no problem about maintaining an erection. I saw a whole new world opening up, and felt a rush of exhilaration. I could have this kind of sex with anybody, naturally-endowed or no.

Don't worry, though, guys. I still crave the taste and feel of real flesh, a pair of balls (which I love to fondle and suck) hairy chests, powerful muscles and the ineffable male energy that drives me wild. My lust for real cock hasn't diminished a bit.

Laurie and I still see each other. After that weekend, she became my favorite female friend-with-benefits. On her birthday I surprised her with a brand new harness and a set of even bigger, even badder dildos. She surprised me by letting me be the one to fuck her through three screaming orgasms.

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