Adam & Eve's Monthly Newsletter - February 2015 (Continued)

Dear Rob,

Power play, S/M, sado-masochism, B&D, bondage and discipline, BDSM, dominant/submissive - there are many names and variations of behavior associated with this variety of sexual play. But there are also differences between these terms. Sado-masochism (or S/M) is actually a sexual orientation some people ascribe to in which partners explore sensations including pain while testing the power dynamics of their relationship. Sadism is the sexual pleasure or gratification in the infliction of pain and suffering upon another person. Masochism is pleasure derived from physical or psychological pain inflicted on oneself either by oneself or by others. The words are derived from the name of the Marquis de Sade, a prolific French writer of sadistic novels.

S/M may entail a variety of behaviors, including bondage and discipline (B&D). All play within S/M is considered a power exchange or power play (a more general term used by some). This means that play should be consensual, safe and sane. While those unfamiliar with power play assume that the “top” aka dominant calls all of the shots, the reality is quite the opposite. The “bottom” or submissive actually controls the level of play by using understood code words that limit the actions of the dominant. It is thought that up to 7% of the population consider sado-masochism as part of their sexual identities, however up to 50% of the population routinely incorporates milder (vanilla) type power play behavior into their sexual repertoire on a regular basis - be it forceful sex, tying one another up, biting, scratching etc. No type of power play is considered abnormal as long those involved in the action do so willingly and it doesn't interfere with other aspects of their life.

It's not just about inflicting pain either. Power playing can be much more subtle. Some play with their long-term partners, others experiment outside of a long-term relationship, while still others embrace it as a full time lifestyle. Some dabble in a behavior or two while others prefer to act out entire “scenes”. You can really make it whatever you want. While playing with sensation is apart of the process — and pain and pleasure are inherently intertwined neurologically, there are a multitude of levels to explore with the right person.

Power playing has become more mainstream in our culture in the last decade (notice all of the themes in movies and the media ala 50 Shades of Grey) but it has existed since the beginning of time. Because of this there are now many toys - shop the office 50 Shades store here, books, and DVDs devoted to the subject. A little power playing can be just what the doctor ordered for a stagnating sexual relationship because it can shift the dynamic and create a healthy sense of sexual drama. If you're looking for where to begin, start with a few good books on the subject.

Sincerely,

Dr. Kat

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Catch 50 Shades Fever! (Continued)

Got plans for Valentine's weekend yet? Because the 50 Shades of Grey movie is finally hitting theaters. With legions of adoring fans worldwide, the erotic books are a mega-hit. Trailers for the movie have already amassed millions of views online. This kind of popularity is unprecedented, especially considering that the tale revolves around themes of sexual dominance, submission, and bondage.

But if you haven't jumped on the bandwagon yet, there's still plenty of time to catch 50 Shades fever. If you'd like to see what started all the controversy, you can order the first or all three of the 50 Shades trilogy books from Adam & Eve.

Or if you're already a die-hard fan of Ana and Christian, you may want to celebrate by stocking up on sexy toys to outfit your own 'red room'! Bondage beginners can start out with their own ties - or try some more authentic 50 Shades role play with Christian's Tie. Or you can create your own instant bondage furniture with Scarlet Bedroom Bondage.

Not sure where to go from there? Take another cue from 50 Shades of Grey and try blindfolded teasing with feathers and ticklers. You might even take your lover over your knee and administer a naughty spanking with your hand or a ruler. You can also pretend to be someone else by wearing the novel-inspired masquerade masks.

Perhaps you'd like to try something more stimulating? Christian introduces innocent Ana to all sorts of sex toys. Why not accompany the usual Valentine's hearts and flowers with a pair of sleek Ben Wa balls? Or experiment by applying a pinpoint vibrating bullet to all your most sensitive spots.

Curious about the harder sides of bondage? Discover kinky adult movies like the Submission of Emma Marx or Shades of Scarlett. Or let the professionals be your guide with Nina Hartley's Guide To Bondage Sex.

Whichever way you like to play, make sure to mark your calendars - the 50 Shades of Grey movie premiers on Friday, February 13th!

Has Your Valentine's Day Groove Turned Into A Rut? (Continued)

Here are a few simple remedies to the Valentine's Day Blues:

• Make it a day for new beginnings.
Take a page from 50 Shades Of Gray and add an element of the unknown with role playing games and bondage fantasies. Don't forget, if you're not ready to do anything wild, try a blindfold and let your lover surprise you!

• Spoil your lover.
Whatever it is your lover loves to do, just do it. From what we've heard, it may involve oral sex.

• Drop your inhibitions -- or just one!
There's a lot going on in the world of sex, romance and how to spend your Valentine's Day together. What's that? You haven't seen a dirty movie lately? Things have changed since college, like romance themed couples flicks and popular TV/film parodies!

• Wear special underwear -- lingerie!
This is probably the most classic move on the list. Guys, you can upgrade your tighty whiteys and provide a little eye candy, too. PS: some fellows swear by wearing pheromone colognes.

• Add some spice -- a little goes a long way.
Bring some heat into your bedroom with a thoughtful sex toy. It doesn't have to be a big, ginormous gizmo or cost too much (unless of course, you really want to). From ben-wa balls, to nipple toys, or just a small vibrator or dildo, you'll be amazed at how much bang for the buck you can get!

• Make it a game!
We just heard of a fun game to play on Valentine's Day. It's called scavenger hunt! Hide gifts, notes, or other special items around the home for your lover to find. Or you could turn off the TV and play a fun board game or roll some sexy dice.

We can't guarantee any of these approaches to Valentine's Day will work for you, but at least we got you thinking about V-Day in a fun 'n' positive way. Remember -- it's the one day set aside for just you and your SO (Significant Other), DH (Dear Husband), FL (Fine Lady), or DW (Darling Wife), so go ahead, have some fun with it!

-- Compiled from staff reports