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First off, the best way to ask is non-verbally. The next time you are in the midst of lovemaking direct her hand to your anus. Show her how to gently massage it and then tell her how hot you think it is if she inserts one or two fingers. I'd make sure a little lube is involved. Another option is for you to do some finger play on her and then tell her it's her turn next time.
Many women don't attempt anal stimulation on men because they simply don't know if their guy wants it or not. So they just don't go there. It's no man's land, so to speak. Often a little permission giving is all it takes.
Once there has been some finger exploration you can begin to introduce toys. I suggest starting on the smaller side with something like a My First Anal Toy and then work your way up to a full size dildo. If you eventually want to move on to strap on sex make sure you give her enough confidence by using a lot of positive reinforcement of how good she is making you feel. Women can be initially a little gun shy with strap ons. It puts them in control in a way they haven't been before. If you are going to go that route perhaps do a bit of shopping together on Adam and Eve's site so she can get familiar with what's out there.
I think this is an opportunity that both of you can broaden your sexual horizons. Once you get some open communication going between the two of you, your concern about oral sex should be much easier to either straight up discuss or share non-verbal directions.
4. Get a (temporary ) tattoo. Go for either a pot of gold or a four-leaf clover in honor of St. Paddy's Day and then challenge your lover to find it.
5. If all else fails, there's always beer! You might not get laid, but at least you'll go to bed with a smile on your face!
3. Hiding Your Body. Just about everybody has jiggly bits, not-jiggly-enough bits, weird toes, or inconvenient body hair. But if you find yourself staying in pajamas, only having sex with the lights off, or avoiding intimacy because you're uncomfortable being seen naked, it can do serious damage to your relationship's closeness as well as kill off spontaneity. Ease into showing off your naked bod by turning down the lights a little and wearing a sexy babydoll or a pair of hot boxer briefs. Lovers, if you want to bolster your body-shy partner's confidence, an appreciative look and the word "Wow" work wonders.
4. Keeping Your Fantasies Secret. Getting a fantasy fulfilled is amazing, and helping your partner fulfill theirs can bring lovers closer. However, admitting you want to roleplay being a naughty marine biologist who needs a spanking comes with the risk of being rejected. But keeping your fantasies secret can make you feel like your desires are 'abnormal', and build up bedroom resentment. If you're feeling cautious, start out by revealing one part of your fantasy and gradually open up from there
5. Not Making Time & Space For Sex. If you and your lover are on drastically different bedtime schedules, then it's much harder for your intimacy to thrive. Likewise, if you're both glued to your laptops, cell phones, books, or the TV while in bed, your sex life might die from distraction. Make a point to spend regular quality time together in bed, and you'll meet your quota of canoodling in no time.
the visionary award to Phil Harvey. No one exemplifies what is good about the adult industry more than Phil."
"Of course, I'm honored to receive AVN's second Visionary Award," said Phil. "It's been a very long journey from Adam & Eve’s early days in a single room over the Central Carolina Bank in Chapel Hill to the enterprise that our company has become. It’s our people who have done that and they are terrific. I accept this award in their names as well."
A strong interest in family planning sent Phil Harvey back to school at the University of North Carolina-Chapel Hill for a master's program in family planning administration. There he met Adam & Eve co-founder Tim Black and the two decided to promote family planning in their own backyard — via mail order in the USA.
"In 1969 I got permission from my department head to run a mail-order experiment selling condoms by mail, which was illegal at the time under the 1872 Comstock Act which classified all contraceptives, all information about contraception or abortion, as obscene and unmailable, and that gave us some pause, because what we were doing would fall under what was then a legal obscenity definition."
Their school project became wildly successful. At the time nearly all drug stores sold condoms under the counter. It became a rite of passage for young men to get the nerve up to ask for condoms from the same pharmacist who probably sold cough medicine to their parents. With mail order, things were different now.
"Because there was no competition and there was this pent-up demand, the orders came rolling in and neither Tim nor I knew anything much about running a business, but there seemed to be more money coming in than going out, and we allowed as how that was probably called a 'profit,' so I read all the books on mail-order marketing and we had, in effect, a small condom mail-order business."
Early Adam & Eve catalogs tried selling sexy pajamas, fancy leather goods and even ship building kits. Sales were disappointing. But when erotic goods — like books, lube, sex toys and XXX movies were offered, the numbers looked good.
Unlike other adult merchants, Phil Harvey refused to sell any videotape that his reviewers — members of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) found to contain "non-consensual sex: non-consenting sexual activity, any form of coercion, any form of obvious power disparateness, either by circumstance or physical force."
Outside of selling only "cheerfully consenting" adult sex in movies, Phil Harvey made history with his refusal to buckle under to the U.S. Department of Justice's war on mail-order adult retailers. He tells this story firsthand in his book The Government vs. Erotica: The Siege of Adam & Eve.
"Our activity resulted in the termination of this policy, which was to put mail-order sellers of X-rated material out of business by bringing prosecutions at the same time in Alabama, Connecticut, New Jersey and elsewhere, forcing them to defend themselves in all of those jurisdictions, which they predicted would result in pleas, which in virtually every other case, they did," Phil explains. "Just in the process of defending ourselves successfully over that eight-year period and suing the government on this issue, over the constitutionality of multiple simultaneous prosecutions of presumptively protected First Amendment material, we succeeded in eliminating that strategy for good."
Phil Harvey loves his role as “company guru” and now spends more time on DKT International, which since 1990 provides family planning services in India, Ethiopia, Brazil, the Philippines and other third world countries.
Phil has also written more than 20 short stories for various outlets, as well as his latest novel, Show Time.
Visionaries like Phil Harvey don't rest on their laurels, they just keep moving.