A&E's Resident Sex Expert: Dr. Kat (continued)

Your questions answered Dr. Kat Van Kirk, an AASECT certified Sex Therapist and licensed Marriage Therapist. This month's question is…

Q&A: Wife Doesn't Masturbate.

Dear Dr. Kat,

How can I encourage my wife to masturbate more? I keep reading your suggestions about how female masturbation can help to increase arousal and even keep her healthy but my wife is totally weird when it comes to masturbation. She just won't talk about it.

Sincerely,
Ted

Dear Ted,

Keep in mind that most men learn to masturbate at an early age because they routinely handle their penises. Women are taught little to nothing about their genitals, and often require guidance, information and permission to discover the wonders of masturbation.

Focus on helping her enjoy some "me time." She may need some space to experiment on her own where she doesn't feel judged. Also, realize that the fact that she isn't talking about it doesn't mean she isn't doing it. Some people like to keep their masturbation time private. They even enjoy the "taboo" of it. If this is the case, you'll need to be respectful. If your real goal is to watch her masturbate or masturbate with her, then simply let her know that is a desire of yours.

Here are some specific suggestions for your wife. But bear in mind, that she should feel permission and support from you on this front and not pressure or expectation. That could shut her down even more.

Most women orgasm from stimulation of the clitoris, but others also enjoy vaginal penetration or G-Spot stimulation. Remember, there is no wrong way to masturbate; everyone is different!

Get Comfortable
• Relax as much as you can. Take a warm bath or have a glass of wine.
• Ensure your privacy: turn off the phone, lock the door, send the kids to a neighbor's.
• Find a comfy position. Most women start out lying on their backs, legs bent and spread apart, with feet on the ground.
• Remove most or all of your clothing.

Fantasize
• Recall an exciting past sexual encounter or elaborate on a favorite sexual fantasy.
• If you need a boost, look at a sexy magazine, read an erotic story, or watch an adult video.
• Allow your mind to explore any images-anything goes as long as it heightens your excitement.

Explore
• Run your hands along parts of your body, lingering along areas that are more responsive to touch than others.
• Look at your genitals in a mirror (especially if you're unfamiliar with them) and caress the different parts to see what feels especially good.
• Find and touch your inner and outer labia, your clitoris, your vagina and your perineum.

Touch
• Using one or two fingers, rhythmically stroke the different parts of your vulva, paying particular attention to your clitoris and labia.
• Experiment with different types of pressure, speed and motion. Try placing a finger on either side of the clitoris and stroking up and down, or placing two fingers on the clitoral hood and rubbing in a circular motion.
• Try different types of touch: stroke, tickle, knead, pinch, or lightly pull your genitals.
• Try using one or several fingers, the palm of your hand, even your knuckles.
• Learn to hold onto sexual excitement by building up and then reducing or temporarily stopping the stimulation.
• Pay attention to how your body is responding. It will tell you the particular stroke that feels best and when to pick up or slow down the tempo.

Breathe and Rock
• Breathe deeply rather than hold your breath. This helps release the sexual energy, rather than fight it.
• Rock your pelvis as you would during intercourse.
• Rhythmically clench and release your PC muscle (inserting a dildo can help).

Orgasm
• If your hand gets tired, give yourself a rest, switch hands, or try a vibrator.
• Take breaks-you can get accustomed to certain stimulation and start to feel numb. If you take a short break and start up again, you'll feel a fresh surge.
• If you're on the brink of orgasm, but can't quite get over the hump, try altering your breathing, or focusing on a really hot fantasy.
• Give yourself extra stimulation: caress your nipples, or try also thrusting your other fingers or a dildo in and out of your vagina.
• As you begin to orgasm, continue the stimulation through the orgasm. Lighten up on the stimulation during the first extremely sensitive moments but keep it going to enjoy those little pleasurable aftershocks.
• People describe orgasm in vastly different ways: like scratching a persistent itch, like embers that burst into flames, like a wave building up and finally crashing onto the shore. Your first orgasm may feel like a blip or a blast, but the more you practice, the more variety you will experience.
• Don't worry if you don't come on your first try, keep practicing, or try some variations.

Sincerely,

Keep in touch with Dr. Kat:

Learn how to set your sex life up for success! Get Dr. Kat's hit book (a self help guide for people who hate self help), The Married Sex Solution: A Realistic Guide for Saving Your Sex Life. Now for just $2.99 for a limited time on Amazon.

Masturbate Your Way To Happiness! (continued)

Masturbation is a fun, free, indulgent way to treat yourself. Of course it feels great, but did you know about all the other benefits of masturbation?

Better Sleep. If it's well past bedtime and you're still staring at the ceiling, it's time to reach for the lube and take on that insomnia monster with masturbation. Not only can a good fantasy distract you from racing thoughts, but masturbation unleashes endorphins by the truckload. These are the body's feel-good chemicals. They promote relaxation, relieve tension, and make it easier to fall into a satisfying sleep.

Stress Relief. Those endorphins are useful any time of day. If you're feeling stressed, channel all that energy into a vigorous round of masturbation. The following safe and easy natural high can be had whenever and wherever you desire, since you only need to rely on you. And since your body's natural hormone boost helps manage your cortisol, or stress hormone, it's the perfect way to take a break and unwind.

It Can Improve Your Technique. Practice makes perfect, and regular masturbation can help you discover where your edge is and how to hold back from the tipping point so you can extend your bedroom performance. Inversely, learning your body's cues and hot spots can help those struggling to orgasm discover how to reach the finish line faster and more reliably. Make sure you explore different methods if you want to make changes.

Better Health. Regular masturbation strengthens your pelvic floor, giving you stronger orgasms and preventing muscle issues like incontinence. For men, giving your sexual health system a regular flush can reduce the risk of prostate cancer by as much as a third. The regular exercise also a good way to prevent erectile dysfunction. For women, orgasms can help relieve menstrual cramping. Regular self-pleasure sessions can strengthen kegels for increased sensation and satisfaction.

It Makes You More Confident. Taking time out of your busy schedule to enjoy yourself, please yourself, and experience the joys of masturbation helps get you in touch with your body, your sexuality, and your desires. All these good feelings have a wild way of spilling over into other areas of your life, including your levels of self-esteem and confidence.

Ready to reap the benefits of masturbation? Adam & Eve always carries the latest toys, DVDs, lube, and more extras for amazing solo play.

Sex Position of the Month (continued): Beauty Inverted

Summary
Based on a kinky position in the Kama Sutra, this advanced sex position flips your partner head over heels for exhilarating sensations. Both partners will need some serious upper body strength to pull off this sex position. But it's a great position to show off your wild side while maximizing your pleasure at the same time.

Difficulty Level
Advanced - Kama Sutra-style sex positions that require significant strength and flexibility

Pros & Cons
+ Enhances her sensations by creating a sense of euphoria
+ Great for deep penetration as well as fast-paced fun
+ Extreme position lets you show off your wild side
- Requires significant upper body strength to pull off
- Very hard to do for more than a few minutes at a time

Instructions
The woman squats down and lies her hands flat on the ground, with the man positioned behind her with his back to a wall. The woman leans forward to put her weight on her hands while scooting her legs back around the man. The man gently lifts her hips up as the women "walks" backward up the wall, using it for extra support. She then wraps her legs around his back to pull him in close. This leaves blood rushing to her head, creating a sense of exhilaration to help enhance her pleasure. This advanced sex position is great for wild, passionate sex. It leaves her hips at the perfect angle for fast-paced and deep penetration. But it only works as long as both partners are strong enough to support her weight during some truly intense sex.

New - Review Roundup! (continued)

Sword of Love Anal Dildo
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Clit Flicker Penis Ring
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I-Vibe Pocket Rocket
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