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You can Ask Dr. Kat by emailing her at ask@drkat.com. Dear Dr. Kat, I'm a healthy, well-adjusted 40 year old woman who loves sex. I have no interest in getting married or of even getting in a long term relationship. I like that I can have sex when and with whom I want. The problem is that most of my friends and family don’t understand this. They're afraid that I'm becoming an "old maid" by engaging in my "slutty" ways. They don't understand how I can seduce men and just have sex without being emotionally tied to the person. I'd be happy to welcome a regular sexual relationship, but I like that I have the option to fuck someone else. Until recently I was pretty secure in how I felt, but now I'm questioning if maybe there is something wrong with me. Why can't I be like everyone else? Thanks, Dear Sexually Secure, Unless there are some other factors that you're not mentioning here, it does indeed seem as though you are well-adjusted and healthy. Unfortunately, our culture does not yet positively reinforce strongly sexual women. You seem to be experiencing the brunt of the myth through the comments of your friends and family, regarding their fears of you becoming an "old maid". But since many people often feel threatened by a woman with strong sexual prowess, they don't yet have vocabulary that reaches beyond the term of "slut". As long as you are taking care of yourself (sexually, and otherwise) and are not acting out in a detrimental manner (e'.g. not using condoms, or having sex under the influence of drugs or alcohol), and as long as you are having consensual sex with another adult…enjoy! You seem to have the ability to separate love from sex, and can benefit by enjoying sex just for the simple blissful act it can be. As with anyone, I would suggest that you examine your motivations for choosing the sexual lifestyle you've chosen to live, however. Ask yourself, "Am I just avoiding developing emotional intimacy with someone? Am I possibly, commitment-phobic?" If the answer is that you are completely emotionally fulfilled on your own and don't feel the need to be defined by another person, then you may feel reassured in your sexual practices. For, there are many women out there nowadays who are so secure in their sexuality, that they can feel free to proactively pursue a variety of sexual relationships with men (and other women, of course). As long as you are being honest with yourself about your inner needs, I see no issue with your choice of remaining sexually assertive and unattached. You may find that this pattern of sexual behavior lasts for the rest of your life or that perhaps after a period of time you may look to develop a more permanent emotional relationship. Sexuality can be much more fluid than one realizes. Either way, the beauty of you choosing to live your life in a sexually bold manner is to be applauded. If you're doing what feels good in the context that works for you, have at it. Sincerely, |
Listen to Dr. Kat's FREE iTunes Podcast Hi I'm Dr. Kat, Clinical Sexologist and Relationship Therapist. Join my gay "boyfriend", Ross and I on the couch as we dish about celebrity sex and relationships, sex in the news, what sex toys we like, the nitty gritty of our own relationships and all the while answering your questions about sex, dating, marriage, STDs, sex ed, and the trials and tribulations of life and love in general. It's a 2 for 1 as you get your sex questions answered from both of our perspectives and we have a lot of fun while we're at it. Find out more at www.DrKat.com and e-mail us your questions at sexchat@drkat.com or call our |
Spend some time playing free sex games - like "Sexy Picture Find" & Connect the Dots. Download some wallpapers & learn about our sexy contract girls. |
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Candidly Speaking I believe in keeping politics out of the bedroom, but lately, as the presidential campaign heats up, it seems like politics are forcing their way in to our bedrooms! I'm talking about the debate over birth control. As a woman who came of age just after the birth control pill liberated women from having to worry about getting pregnant every time they made love, it's shocking to me that we’re even engaging in this discussion. Obviously someone is trying to turn the clock back by nearly half a century. In light of this rather confounding situation, it occurred to me that probably very few of you know that the issue of birth control is actually what gave birth, so to speak, to the Adam & Eve catalog. So I thought it might be interesting to share with you our humble beginnings, and give a shout-out to the founding President of Adam & Eve, Phil Harvey, considered to be "one of the worlds leading purveyors of 'adult entertainment'", according to The Economist. ("Well Endowed: Phil Harvey sells sexual entertainment to the rich, then helps the poor", 10/7/04) It began in the late '60's when, studying at the University of North Carolina, Harvey did his masters degree on non-medical ways of promoting family planning. As part of his thesis, he sold condoms to students through the post, even though marketing such "obscene" items by mail was illegal at the time. After graduating, Harvey saw a void in the market place for easily attainable birth control and founded Adam & Eve, then a small paper catalog, in order to reach people in even the tiniest rural areas across the United States. In so doing, he came up against and, at his own expense, successfully took on the prudish policies that would make it nearly impossible for a married couple to have control over their own family planning. Eventually, Harvey added "marital aides" to the list of offerings, believing firmly that couples have the right to safely purchase products that enhance their intimacy. Adam & Eve is now considered to be the biggest mail-order and on-line retailer of sex toys and adult films. Phil Harvey went on to found a highly respected non-profit group that specializes in distributing condoms, pills and other forms of birth control in some of the poorest parts of the world, helping young struggling couples obtain otherwise unavailable family planning. Accessing reliable birth control is something we tend to take for granted these days. But we would not be so fortunate were it not for the vision and dedication of people like Phil Harvey. Candida Royalle is a former star of the blue movie screen who in 1984 created Femme Productions® and pioneered the genre of woman-friendly adult erotica. In 1999, she launched the Euro-designed Natural Contours® line of high-style discreet intimate products. She's the author of How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do: Sex Advice From a Woman who Knows; and a sought after speaker on topics ranging from how to have great sex to the politics of free expression. Royalle's product lines are available through AdamEve.com. For more information about Candida Royalle, visit www.candidaroyalle.com. |
In the Seinfeld show episode called "The Contest," Jerry and the gang wager to see who could go the longest without masturbating. Hilarity ensues. And the funny thing is, the word "masturbation" isn't used once in the entire show! Doctors in 1712 believed masturbation or "onanism" caused men to become weak and prone to mental disorders. Women were forbidden to masturbate too. Mark Twain lectured about masturbation in a 1879 speech called "Some Thoughts on the Science of Onanism" given to an all-male dinner party. Twain says "Of all the various kinds of sexual intercourse, this has the least to recommend it. As an amusement, it is too fleeting; as an occupation, it is too wearing; as a public exhibition, there is no money in it." |
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