A&E's Resident Sex Expert: Dr. Kat (continued)

Your questions answered Dr. Kat Van Kirk, an AASECT certified Sex Therapist and licensed Marriage Therapist. This month's question is…

Q&A: Paco wants a guide to backdoor action.

Dear Dr. Kat,

My girlfriend and I have been together 2 years. I've been super respectful about anal sex but I really want to experience it with her. I did it once with an ex but I'm not sure I did it right. Do you have some step by step suggestions about how I can explore this with her?

Sincerely,
Paco

Dear Paco,

Anal sex can be a great way to explore your sexuality, create more sensation and more orgasmic response. Yet, lots of people either don't know where to begin or what to expect. Here's a basic guide to get started with some backdoor fun this month that everyone can enjoy…

Anal sex can truly be a great experience for a couple. It's a nice way to mix things up every now and then and it can actually lead to a heightened sense of intimacy between the two of you. First things first though…

• Be prepared. Don't wait until the heat of the moment to get lubes, condoms etc lined up before the action commences.

• Take your time. Going too fast at first can actually hurt your girlfriend. Go slow.

• Use your fingers first. Get her used to the sensation by fingering her.

• Lube it up. The anus doesn't secrete much of its own lubrication so be sure to have some on hand.

• Communicate. Make sure she is giving you feedback on how it feels. Stop or slow down if she asks you.

• Don't forget the clit. Attention to the clitoris either with a sex toy or one of your own hands will help her relax into it and maybe even have an orgasm (yippee).

• Clean as a whistle. Some people feel the need to do enemas prior to anal sex but in actuality that usually isn't needed. There tends to be very little if any fecal debris that close to the anal opening. Just scrub well if you are worried about hygiene.

• Don't pull your penis fully in and out at first. It tends to be more comfortable for novices if you penetrate with your penis in her the whole time versus pulling it out completely with each thrust.

Sincerely,

Keep in touch with Dr. Kat:

Learn how to set your sex life up for success! Get Dr. Kat's hit book (a self help guide for people who hate self help), The Married Sex Solution: A Realistic Guide for Saving Your Sex Life. Now for just $2.99 for a limited time on Amazon.

Man Up To Prostate Pleasures! (continued)

She's got her G-spot, guys. But you know what you've got? A P-spot. The prostate. And it's possible to massage it for sexual pleasure and happy endings. Forever.

You can even look it up on Wikipedia: "The prostate takes part in the sexual response cycle, and is essential for the production of semen. Due to its proximity to the anterior rectal wall, it can be stimulated from the anterior wall of the rectum or externally via the perineum."

In other words, you're gonna need a sex toy. For your butt. Or you (or your partner) can put on some latex gloves, get some lube, and do a little poking around. Aim for the area inside your back door that shares the back wall of your balls, behind your penis. Gently slide up and around there. That's it. Apply a little pressure. Pretty cool, right? (Another less complicated way to check out your prostate is in the shower with a very soapy finger.)

And it's not exclusively a gay thing, either. Your prostate doesn't care if you like women or men, it's just holed up in there waiting to be stimulated. And yes, it can be another "itch" to scratch during masturbation, foreplay -- or sex.

Prostate Play Like The Pros
• First, have plenty of lube or gel on hand and don't be stingy with it. There's very, very sensitive tissue in there and you want to avoid any tears, rips, or scratches. And don't forget paper towels.
• You may want to give yourself an anal douche first, just sayin'.
• If this is your first time, take it nice and slow as you massage or stimulate your prostate.
• For solo sessions, many men wear a butt plug while stimulating their erection. This is probably the easiest way to enjoy prostate stimulation. Certain dildos are good for this, too. Just make sure the toy is designed to slide in without getting lost. You don't want to go to the ER with a lost sex toy in your butt. (By the way, it wouldn't be the first they've seen that happen, in case you do.)
• Specially designed prostate sex toys and dildos also do the trick.
• Gay men can enjoy anal intercourse, straight guys can get pegged by a female partner wearing a strap-on -- like in that episode of Broad City on Comedy Central.
• It's not uncommon for a man's partner to carefully insert a lubed finger during fellatio for a big finish. This is also known as prostate play.
• And the swift removal of well-lubed anal beads during intercourse, timed near his orgasm, can create some fireworks in the bedroom.

Benefits Of Prostate Play
• Many men report larger, more intense and even longer-lasting orgasms. Those pipes get thoroughly cleaned out! Some report sensations that resemble "mini-gasms" before what next feels like Mt. St. Helens exploding.
• Prostate play engages your pelvic floor, giving you greater control over PC muscles. This is what some folks refer to as "sexual health."
• If you're in a long-term relationship, adding new tricks like prostate play can bring back those early days of sexual exploration.
• And hey, the fact it sounds so kinky doesn't hurt either. (Don't worry, we won't tell anyone.)

One More Prostate Play Pointer
• Let's face it, prostate play is in a pretty rough neighborhood. In addition to an anal douche, how about a simple, quick fix? Put a condom over any and all anal sex toys. Then lube. Then insert. When playtime is done and those feelings of nirvana have worn off, just carefully peel off the condom and your trusty toy is much, much easier to clean.

Sex Position of the Month (continued): The Raft Sex Position

Created for fun in and outside the bedroom, this uniquely challenging Kama Sutra position balances control and power between both partners for maximum stimulation and pleasure.

Difficulty Level
Advanced - Kama Sutra sex positions that require significant strength and flexibility

Pros & Cons
+ Balances power and control so either partner can take charge
+ Great for clitoral stimulation to increase her pleasure
+ Works almost anywhere for sexy fun in the kitchen or living room
- Requires the woman to have significant upper-arm strength
- Extremely difficult to do for long periods of time

Instructions
Start with the man sitting in a sturdy chair or stool. The woman sits down on his lap facing away from him as in reverse cowgirl. She then leans forward, planting her hands securely on the floor. This angles her for maximum clitoral stimulation, allowing for greater pleasure during sex. She can then shift her weight forward or back. Shifting her weight forwards frees him up to take control, while pushing back allows her to take charge instead.

Eve's Tip: The Raft is easier to do the closer you are to the ground. A small foot stool works a lot better than a dining room chair.

Review Roundup! (continued)

Thunder Power Cream
"I am normally pretty thick and hard when having sex, but this stuff made me like a lead pipe. Even head was harder."


Make Me Cum Clit Sensitizer
"Ok, for me it starts like ice, then turns into a pleasant fire. I lost count of all the orgasms this has induced. It takes about 2 min to fully work for me. My man thanks u 2. Though I wish u sold it in the gallon size" :)


Crystal Teaser
"What a great multi-purpose toy! We have used it every way we can think of. Highly recommend cold anally after things have heated up. We keep a cup of ice nearby for quick chilling. Walked around doing chores with it inside, then hit the rocking chair, all without my husband knowledge of what was "up" - my little secret! Everyone should try this toy."

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