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ACCIDENTAL ORGASMS Dear Dr. Kat, I'm a 26 year old female who has never been able to have an orgasm when I wanted to. If I do orgasm it seems to happen almost by accident. I'm not currently in a relationship but I made a decision to focus on my sexuality for myself. Where do I begin? How can I become more orgasmic? Thanks, Dear Felicia, Congratulations on giving yourself such a wonderful gift. You'd be surprised (or maybe you wouldn't) at how many women still go practically their whole lives without the sexual fulfillment of becoming orgasmic. Luckily, learning to orgasm purposely is like picking up any new skill. It involves awareness, practice, and once you're with a partner communication. First things first, figure out your equipment - meaning your anatomy. Have you ever really examined it or tried touching it in different places varying pressure and the type of stimulation? A good place to start is by experimenting with your own body. This will give you some ideas to play with as well as well as help you create a quiet, sensual place for you to bond with your nether region. But it doesn't just stop there, try nipple and anal stimulation. Some women are orgasmic through these areas too. Once you know what you're working with you can begin to figure out what kind of stimulation gets you off. If you can't seem to get aroused on your own, you can set regular masturbation time aside. Burn some candles, buy some great lube and maybe try a few sex toys out. Here are a few lube suggestions to get you started. You'll begin to find that you'll establish masturbatory patterns. You'll find which techniques get you off the quickest and which cause more intense orgasms. Don't forget about the importance of getting yourself worked up. Sometimes women relax so much into masturbation that they don't end up arousing themselves enough. Create some intensity by using fantasy, erotic literature, or sexy images. If you've never bought an adult video, buy one for yourself. After all, why should men have all the fun? Adam and Eve have some great women friendly options. The Couple's video category is where I suggest you start. Everyone says the brain is the most powerful sex organ for a reason, be sure you use it. Try focusing on a specific fantasy or behavior that turns you on while masturbating one time and then the next just focus on the sensation of what you're physically doing to yourself. Most women use a combination of fantasy and physical stimulation to reach orgasm. After you've developed some comfort with your body and you know what arousal works for you, you can begin to branch out by trying other techniques like reaching orgasm through G-Spot and anal stimulation. A good G-Spot vibrator is the perfect place to start. Try the Wild G. Who knows you may even be able to have multiple orgasms or female ejaculate? Now all of these skills you've learned through masturbation will be completely transferable to eventually orgasming with a partner. Many women have had to learn to orgasm the opposite way - first with a partner and then with themselves. But if you don't know what stimulation works for you, how can your partner? Anyway, the next main challenge to orgasming with a partner is learning to communicate your sexual needs and desires. Get used to asking for what you want (verbally and non-verbally). Sometimes learning to talk dirty is a way to direct the action in addition to creating more arousal. When having sex with a partner, many women forget about themselves and focus completely on the other purpose. While some attention to your partner is great, don't forget about your own needs. You deserve pleasure too! Sincerely,
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Spend some time playing free sex games - like "Sexy Picture Find" & Connect the Dots. Download some wallpapers & learn about our sexy contract girls. |
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Candidly Speaking What? Watching sexy movies can be good for our marriage? And why is all this important? It's crucial for the long-term intimacy of a relationship to keep the sexual connection alive. After all, sexual intimacy is the one element that separates the marital union from all other relationships. Couples who allow their sexual connection to become routine risk growing bored and slowly disconnecting. While some couples might find this acceptable, most long for sexual connection and risk straying outside their marriage if they don't have it. Many marital counselors utilize what they feel is appropriate erotica in their work with couples to help them become more comfortable with sex, to stimulate what may be a lagging erotic connection that needs work, ideas, inspiration, and to "role model" appropriate and mutually satisfying sexual behavior. Women, and increasingly men, tend to prefer actors and actresses they can relate to in scenarios that are believable, and that display a real sense of connection between the lovers; performers of all ages and races and sexual preferences; and good old fashioned hot lovemaking with less graphic depiction and more sensuality. Where it may not be appropriate to watch adult erotica is when one of the partners has serious body image issues, where the man feels inadequate with his "performance" or the size of his penis, and especially when one of the partners has been sexually abused. Something men should know is that for a woman to feel comfortable watching adult movies with her mate she must feel confident that she's the one he desires. She won't enjoy herself if she thinks he'd rather be with the woman on screen. He can help her feel desired and less threatened through his behavior and attentiveness to her. And women should know that most men do not prefer the women on screen. What they would like is that their woman be as comfortable with her body and her sexuality as the women on screen. Candida Royalle is a former star of the blue movie screen who in 1984 created Femme Productions® and pioneered the genre of woman-friendly adult erotica. In 1999, she launched the Euro-designed Natural Contours® line of high-style discreet intimate products. She's the author of How to Tell a Naked Man What to Do: Sex Advice From a Woman who Knows; and a sought after speaker on topics ranging from how to have great sex to the politics of free expression. Royalle's product lines are available through AdamEve.com. For more information about Candida Royalle, visit www.candidaroyalle.com. |
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