You’re an adventurous couple looking for something new and fun to add to your relationship. The idea of a threeway sounds like the perfect way to spice things up, but you’re just not sure where to start.
Luckily, the hard-working researchers at Adam & Eve interviewed a few couples who have successfully – and not so successfully – engaged in threesomes. Here are their tips for a great threesome so your experience can be just as awesome as you imagined!
1. Make A Plan Together
All of our couples agreed that the most satisfying threesomes are actually planned. They shouldn’t be drunken, spur-of-the-moment decisions. Plus, planning allows you to communicate openly and honestly about your wants and expectations. And when we say “be honest” we mean it. You both truly need to be on the same page to make the most out of your experience and to avoid any potential miscues or hurt feelings.
Once you’ve started your discussion, the first thing you need to decide on is what type of threesome you want to have (be it Male-Female-Male, Female-Male-Female, or trios of the same sex), ahead of time and how you want to arrange the actual participation to go. For instance, some men get turned on by another man having sex with their girlfriend. While some men just want to watch, there are others who want to join in as well. There may even be men who want to have sex with their girlfriend as well as the other guy.
When you’ve figured out how you want to arrange things, you need to set boundaries so that everyone involved knows what can and cannot be done, and what sex acts are okay to perform. Many women have fantasies about double penetration, but if your partner is the only one who wants to have access to your backdoor that needs to be communicated to all involved ahead of time. Or maybe there will be no kissing of the new person involved.
Again, the most important thing is open and honest communication about expectations and wants for all parties involved. You should also have a safe word where at any time anyone involved feels uncomfortable the action stops and the situation is re-evaluated.
Finally, it’s important to discuss protection. Many couples love the feel of skin to skin contact or worry that using a condom will cause a decrease in sensation. While you and your partner know your sexual history, you won’t always know your new playmates. Always protect yourself, even if it’s two women sharing a dildo or toy.
2. How To Find The Right Partner For Both Of You
Now that you’ve committed to the idea of a threesome just who should you have it with? Some couples suggested picking a friend to make things more comfortable, while others suggested strangers were less likely to cause problems. As a couple, you need to sit down and hash out what you want in the perfect threesome partner. Some things you may want to consider are:
- Gender – Again, will this be two women with one man? Two men with one woman? Or a trio of the same sex?
- Attractiveness – Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but there needs to be some physical spark so that everyone involved can be totally into the experience.
- Respectful – Whoever you bring into the relationship needs to be on the same page and willing to respect any boundaries you set.
- Any previous connections - Some couples suggested picking a friend to make things more comfortable, while others suggested strangers were less likely to cause problems. It’s up to you and your partner to decide which route is best for you.
Once you’ve decided who you are looking for, you need to figure out where to find them.
If you go the stranger route, there are several places to look such as:
- Online dating apps
- Sites dedicated to threeways
- Clubs
- Parties
- Swinger’s conventions or websites
- Escort services
In relation to the above, most may outright say they are looking for a ménage à trois or you can go about asking more directly. If it’s a person you know, however, you need to approach the subject carefully unless you know for certain they are definitely into threeways.
A safe way to start the conversation is to flirt with the intended partner. A great way to do this is to have a party and invite your desired playmate. Tell them you would love for them to stay overnight as you have plenty of room and gauge their reaction. You could also tell them how great they look and that “Josie” has always had a thing for you. Again, based on their reaction you can either decide to drop more hints and take it further, or if they look uncomfortable just blow it off and change the subject. Another way to broach the subject is to invite them to dinner and have the topic of sex come up. It could be something like, “Did you see TV show/Movie? There was this wild threesome and we gotta admit it was kindof a turn-on.” Or reference celebrities that are bi or have open relationships and as “Would you ever do something like that?” Remember to always look for cues on whether you can continue.
3. Leave the Romance at the Door
Threesomes are about sex and sexual gratification. Major complications can happen if a member of the couple develops strong romantic feelings for the “third wheel” and vice versa. You don’t want to mix sex and love in threesomes as they can cause significant issues later down the line.
4. Location, Location, Location
When deciding on a place for your threesome, the safest and best place is neutral territory such as a hotel room. That way if things don’t go as planned you don’t need to worry about your third showing up on your doorstep. It can also prevent location-triggered memories if it wasn’t the experience you hoped for. Your personal bedroom should be a place for fun and relaxation – not something that makes you think about a botched threesome. Wherever you end up, stock up on condoms and other protective equipment in advance so you don’t need to do an emergency drugstore run.
5. Get the Ball Rolling
After reconfirming boundaries, the best way to get things started is with the established couple initiating foreplay and then having the third slowly join in.
Start to kiss and fondle the new person. Don’t rush into things until everyone is ready to take it further.
Once everyone is hot, bothered and comfortable you’re good to go with whatever acts you want to perform. Now is the time to experiment with different positions or to introduce sex toys into the mix. (Don’t forget the lube and protection.)
Just make sure that everyone gets equal attention so that no one feels left out.
6. Discuss the Possible Aftermath
Jealousy is a common emotion after a threesome, so again it’s important to discuss things beforehand. What will happen if someone is feeling like they haven’t received enough attention during the threesome? What will do you do if either of you get “attached” to the new person? If it’s a complete disaster – or an overwhelming success – would you try it again? Knowing the answer to these questions ahead of time will help you decide if a threesome is right for your relationship, as well as helping you avoid an emotional meltdown afterwards.
So just remember – keep an open mind, stick to the boundaries you’ve set, do what’s right for you, and most of all have fun!
